


THE QUEST FOR WAFFLE HOUSE

by fricklefracklefloof



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Biphobia, Epic Friendship, F/F, Fluff, Grishaverse Big Bang, Grishaverse Big Bang 2020, High School AU, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern AU, Projecting, Queen - Freeform, Waffle House, bc there's no waffle house in california, because their friendship is immaculate, everyone lives in california (my home state), except maybe matthias, i don't write them but there will be one implied, i project on literally every character in this fic, in this fic there are no straight people, jesper hyperfixates on queen, nina jesper and inej are best friends, no heterosexuals here, road trip au, road trip to the east coast to try waffle house, this is really one of the most self indulgent things i've ever written, warning for the presence of homophobic slurs, wylan comes along later too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26203447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fricklefracklefloof/pseuds/fricklefracklefloof
Summary: Having moved to California after being freed from Virginia's foster system, Nina is missing her life on the east coast, and most importantly, Waffle House. Horrified that her Californian friends Inej and Jesper have never even heard of the best waffle chain ever, Nina takes them on an epic road trip across America in search of some decent breakfast food, along with the chance to get with the girl she’s always had a crush on, a boy running from his father, and maybe a taste of her old life again.Wylan wants nothing more than to run. He feels trapped living with a father who is ashamed to have a moron for a son. When Jan Van Eck announces that Wylan will be studying at an all-boys boarding school in a small town in Virginia, he feels a flicker of hope for a better future, but the road leading up to it is long and dangerous.for the grishaverse big bang 2020!
Relationships: Genya Safin/Alina Starkov, Inej Ghafa/Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey & Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik & Inej Ghafa & Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck & Kuwei Yul-Bo
Comments: 35
Kudos: 65
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2020





	1. this is the only place for me

Nina was so, so sick of these California kids.

“What do you mean you’ve never been to Waffle House?”

Inej shrugged nonchalantly, as if she didn’t think it was as much of a pressing problem as it really was. “We just don’t have them here.” 

Jesper nodded in agreement. “I thought that was just a thing in _Love, Simon._ ”  
  


“Are you fucking serious right now.” _Just a thing in_ Love, Simon _?_ Nina couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Inej glanced at Jesper. “He’s probably not. You never really know with him,” she remarked, a little smile tugging at her lips. Nina loved it when things got Inej to smile, when humor seeped into her words. It was like sampling from a box of chocolates and realizing you’d picked your favorite kind. But they had _more pressing issues_ right now.

“Rude. For your information, no, not really, I was mostly just trying to piss Nina off—” Jesper grinned cheerily at her expression—“but still.” His fingers were drumming excitedly, shaking the lunch table, which Nina was sure could break at any moment if he fidgeted enough.

“You guys seriously have like, never been to one? Driven past one, at least?” Nina asked lamely.

The two of them said nothing. Nina wanted to bang her head on the table.

“I saw it in _Love, Simon._ ”

Nina picked up her lunch tray, which was scraped clean. “I’m going to beat you over the head with this.” Jesper laughed merrily and shoved her away.

“Easy. No violence in the cafeteria,” Inej scolded, in a mocking tone that could have come from one of their teachers’ mouths. Their friend group was known to be particular trouble, and watched closely by their superiors. Nina loved these idiots so much.

“How does _Love, Simon_ not count?” Jesper complained.

“I think we can all agree that’s a wonderful movie and an overall good introduction to Waffle House,” Inej agreed. “The book is better, though.”

“Inej is right. They made Leah skinny in the movie and I’ll never forgive them for that,” Nina pointed out, and Jesper and Inej nodded in agreement. 

“Okay, but seriously. I’m taking you both to Waffle House, if it’s the last thing I do.”

\---

Nowhere in this gigantic slab of land called a state was a single Waffle House.

“No results. How is this even possible?” Nina groaned softly, careful not to alert their math teacher, who had long given up on them anyways and was probably half asleep, but she wasn’t taking chances.

“I told you, there’s none around here,” Inej protested.

“I thought you just meant, like, the area. Not the whole freaking state.”

Jesper leaned in closer to look at Nina’s phone, which the three of them were all crowded around. Their classmates paid them no notice. By now, they were used to what happened when the three of them got together. “Well, where are they, then? Where does _Love, Simon_ take place?”

“ _Georgia,_ ” Nina huffed. “According to Wikipedia, that’s where the most Waffle Houses are.”

“Are we seriously going to Georgia?” Inej asked. 

Jesper grinned. “Road trip?” He looked comically out of place hunched over with the two girls, his flannel rumpled and hanging loosely across his thin frame.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be Georgia,” Nina pointed out. They could go to Arizona, which was the closest. Or even Virginia, where Nina used to live for thirteen miserable years of her life. Back before Genya and Alina adopted her and she moved to _California,_ devoid of any places that served decent waffles. 

Back when Matthias was the only thing keeping her going.

Not that she was complaining. Growing up in foster care was something Nina wouldn’t wish on anyone, and being adopted by two loving mothers had practically saved her life. Genya and Alina were the richest and craziest people she had ever met, and they had showered attention on her from the moment they saw her. From what Nina could see, they only lived in California because it was “sunny”. (Nina would never understand Alina’s obsession with sun.) All Nina could see was the cost of practically everything and the sheer lack of Waffle House.

And also her crazy friends.

“Can we still go on a road trip, though? I’ll drive.” Jesper was rocking back and forth on his chair, so excitedly it looked like he could fall backward at any moment. That had happened before, and in this class too, and Jesper had laughed so uproariously they had forgotten he was the one who had fallen in the first place.

“Jesper, you’re terrible at driving. We all know this.” But Inej’s mouth was curled into a bit of a smile, and Nina could tell she wanted to as well.

“I just got my license! I think that says something, doesn’t it? Road trip to the other side of the country, I get better at driving, you guys pay for gas and the waffles and everything else—”

“If we go on a road trip and we let Jesper drive we are most definitely going to die,” Nina pointed out. A road trip sounded _wonderful._ Nina needed a break—from her mothers, from stinking California, from high school in general. Summer vacation was inches away. They could go to Virginia, do anything.

_I could-_

Jesper’s retort snapped Nina out of her daydream. “ _Hey!_ I passed that driver’s test fair and square.”

“Are we actually doing this?” Inej asked. She had this cute, quizzical expression on her face that, painfully, reminded Nina a little bit of Matthias. _Innocent._ God, she missed him.

“We are,” Nina declared. “Everyone needs to try some Waffle House before they die. And what better time to die than when Jesper is behind the wheel?”

“You guys are so rude. I can totally drive.”

“Gays can’t drive, Jesper. We all know this.”

\---

Summer came in a rush. Finals were taken, people cleared out their lockers, everyone said goodbye to their friends and teachers for three whole months. The days became long and unbearably hot. Traffic became worse than ever on days when there was nice weather; everyone wanted to go to the beach.

Nina missed her old home with every passing dry, scorchingly hot day. Still, California wasn’t so humid your clothes stuck to your skin, something Nina had never imagined she would miss. There were no thunderstorms, no huge grey clouds rolling in over the horizon and pouring heaps of warm rain and thunder and lightning overhead. It didn’t even snow. Jesper and Inej had never enjoyed the feeling of waking up to inches of snow piled up outside, knowing that there would be no school that day. A place only on the other side of the country still felt like some alien planet.

The road trip stayed on their minds. It was actually going to be a thing, whether her friends liked it or not. They needed to try Waffle House, needed to see thunderstorms and feel humidity and see snow and go somewhere new. And Nina needed to go home.

Genya and Alina let her go. “Jesper can take our other car,” Alina had said. “Just make sure it comes back in one piece.” Genya gave her money, more than she’d ever seen in her life. “We’ll miss you.”

Jesper and Inej had both gotten permission from their parents, too. Nina couldn’t see how they wouldn’t. They were all newly seventeen. Seventeen year olds were old enough to go wherever they liked. 

Jesper had been given fresh fruit from the farm to take on the trip, with warm regards from his parents. Nina had always been charmed by Colm and Aditi. They were the type of sweet, perfectly happy couple she had always dreamed of being adopted by back in Virginia. If not for Genya and Alina, she would have begged Jesper to let her join his family.

Inej’s parents were wonderful as well. She had a large family, but they all seemed to love each other unconditionally. Nina didn’t understand how so many different people could live in one household but still tolerate each other. The foster homes she’d lived in always felt overcrowded, and you didn’t have many possessions of your own because everyone stole from each other.

Nina had let Jesper drive, begrudgingly. “One wrong turn and I’m stealing the wheel,” she warned him. “This is Alina’s car. She’ll kill _me_ if you kill _it._ ”

Jesper gave her the biggest grin. “I’ll be _fine_ , you’ll see,” he assured her, giddily hopping in the driver’s seat. “Hell yeah. I’m in charge of the music.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be the job of whoever sits shotgun?” Inej asked.

“It would be… except no one is sitting shotgun, are they?” Jesper dropped the heaping bag of produce his parents had given him in the passenger seat. Nina groaned.

“You’re only driving just so you can play Queen nonstop, aren’t you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jesper said, plugging his phone in. Immediately they heard the beginning of “Killer Queen” blasting through the speakers. 

Nina took her place next to Inej in the backseat. “I have earbuds, if you want to listen to something else,” she offered to her friend.

“Rude!” Jesper shouted from the driver’s seat.

Inej giggled. Her laugh was musical, sweeter than summer rain. “Sure,” she whispered, and she took an earbud from Nina.

This was going to be a great trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for this chapter is "the only place" by best coast! my mom used to play it all the time and it's pretty much the most stereotypical california song ever, so i had to. prepare for a ride with this fic, there's a piece of me in every chapter fjkggdkjgdlj  
> because of that, this has a playlist composed of songs that are mentioned in the chapters, and just songs that i think fit the whole vibe of the fic in general! big thanks to my gang for suggesting some, too (especially alex, who really just made an entire different playlist for me)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4El9UJxFAqicn0aXiJxGOl?si=AbPk-QDGSieoiCZpXQE2Lg


	2. ‘cause if we don’t leave this town, we might never make it out

Hours on the road blurred into each other as Inej watched the rolling California hills disappear into trees and mountains. The change in scenery was nice. Though it was a very long way away from where they were now, Inej was curious to see what Nina’s life was like on the east coast.

Inej really didn’t mind Jesper’s music much, but she enjoyed listening to the songs from one of Nina’s earbuds just to spite him. Unfortunately, it didn’t do much to block out the din of Queen, and she was forced to listen to two different songs for most of the trip.

As they eased farther out of the state, Inej began to notice mountains in the distance dotted with snow. Her excitement began to increase. Inej had never seen snow at home; Jesper used to joke that they had no seasons.

“We should stop at Lake Tahoe,” she suggested. Mockingly.

“Oh my god, noooo,” Nina laughed.

“Oh my god, Tahooeee!” Jesper said in an awful falsetto voice that Inej assumed was supposed to be mocking one of the many rich white girls that frequented their school.

“Stop, Genya and Alina actually took me there like our first summer here,” Nina laughed, and Inej found herself giggling along with her.

“There’s nothing wrong with Tahoe. Just not when going there is the only defining aspect of your personality.”

Inej agreed. Tahoe was cool, just overrated. Like a lot of things.

Jesper took a windy route through the mountains, and Inej felt the pressure drop as their altitude increased. The meandering way the roads snaked around the terrain as they climbed up, up, made her a little nervous. It didn’t help how recklessly Jesper seemed to drive, and every time he turned a corner, Inej couldn’t help but fear that they might topple over the edge.

As the trip dragged on, Jesper also insisted on stopping at every somewhat interesting place possible. Inej honestly didn’t blame him—Jesper was the most active person she knew, and she imagined it must feel like hell for him to sit still for that long, even if he was the one in the driver’s seat.

Still, the amount of times Jesper wanted to stop to look at some waterfall or other tourist trap definitely seemed to be irritating Nina.

“You already have like seven kajillion pictures of the pretty view, Jesper, we don’t need more,” she protested at the fourth time they stopped.

“It’s fine, Nina. I think it looks nice,” Inej reassured her, resting a hand on her friend’s shoulder as they watched Jesper peer eagerly over a small ledge down to the trees below.

“We’re never going to get to Waffle House at this rate.” That was probably true, but Inej would rather not see her other friend suffer.

Finally, they got back on the road, and as they climbed higher into the mountains, Jesper pulled over much less. Inej began to glimpse piles of something white and powdery on the sides of the road as they zipped past. Her eyes widened.

“Is that—snow?” 

“Oh my god, yes, it’s snow. I forgot you two have never seen _shit_ in your lives,” Nina grumbled.

“I’ve seen snow at Tahoe,” Jesper pointed out from the driver’s seat.

“Shut up.”

Inej pressed her cheek against the window. It felt much colder than before. It was stupid, but she felt like a little girl again, excited over something as trivial as snow. As a child, she used to pray for snow on Christmas day. Seeing it all felt more like a dream.

“And it’s _June_ ,” she added, as if that hadn’t already been established.

“We _are_ in the mountains,” Nina pointed out, but her expression seemed to soften when she saw what must have been a look of wonder on Inej’s face. She rarely became giddy like this, and Nina must’ve noticed.

They cruised the windy road past trees and more snow for an indeterminable amount of time, so long that Inej was worried she’d be sick. Jesper didn’t make any more stops until they reached civilization and Nina complained that she was hungry, so they stopped at a McDonald’s for dinner. They ordered like sixty chicken nuggets (and one Happy Meal, because Jesper wanted the Hello Kitty toy and the apple slices) and feasted on them like ravenous animals.

“I have a confession to make,” Jesper announced around a mouthful of nuggets. They’d decided to sit down to actually rest rather than eat on the road, per his request, and if Inej was being honest, she didn’t want him more distracted while driving anyways. “I’ve never actually had a burger here.”

“Are you serious.” Nina actually paused her eating to gawk at him.

“Okay, well, one time I had one of those McChicken sandwich things, but I always order chicken nuggets. Because they’re superior.”

“Valid.” Inej had not stuck to only one menu item here, but she understood the superiority of chicken nuggets.

“But—but there’s so many other fantastic options you’re missing out on!” Nina spluttered. “You can’t just limit yourself to one McDonald’s meal!”

“I most certainly can. I would do anything for the nuggies.”

Nina pointed at Jesper dramatically, as if she were making an important statement. “This. _This_ is why we’re going to Waffle House. You need to broaden your food horizons.”

“Can’t you get perfectly good chicken on your farm, anyways?” Inej pointed out.

“Yes, of course I can,” Jesper replied. “But this is completely different. McNuggets are definitely not chicken, I’ll admit that. Which makes it good. The artificialousness.”

Nina sighed. “You’re a tragedy.”

Eventually they finished, and, miraculously, only had about eight nuggets left over, which Nina insisted they save, because the wasting of food was an even bigger tragedy, and soon they were back on the road.

The sun was already sinking into the horizon, the glow of its setting trickling through the car window as they drove farther and farther towards their destination. Inej found it harder and harder to see their surroundings as the natural light gradually disappeared. Soon, only the light of the cities they sped past and other cars’ headlights were illuminating what Inej saw through the window.

It must not have been very late, but Inej could already feel her eyelids drooping a little as she leaned against Nina’s side. The excitement of the trip had worn her out. 

She didn’t know how long they sat like that, Inej drifting in and out of sleep with the warmth of Nina next to her, when Jesper said: “Shit. I need to get gas.”

“Why didn’t you get it back when we stopped for dinner?” Nina asked, irritated.

“I don’t know! I forgot!”

Inej dimly registered their bickering as Jesper pulled into a gas station, the flashing of city lights slowing. He left the car to fill up the tank, and they were alone.

The car was silent. Inej could feel herself drifting off, exhausted from the trip, but she could feel Nina next to her, and for some reason, she wanted to stay awake.

“What was life like in Virginia?” she asked, softly, though there really was no need to be quiet.

Nina matched her volume. “Shitty.”

“That’s what you always say. But there were good things too, right?” As often as she complained about strange California, Nina was often tight-lipped about her old life. Inej and Jesper had never really pressured her to open up. But now Inej wanted to know where exactly they were going. This very obviously was not just about getting Waffle House.

“It was different. Sometimes living here feels like I’m in another country entirely. The weather’s different.”

“There’s snow?”

Nina smiled, something that warmed Inej’s heart to see. “Yeah. You wouldn’t be able to handle the cold.”

Inej chuckled softly. “Imagine having actual seasons.”

“Imagine that.”

The inside of the car fell back into silence. Jesper seemed to be taking a while with the gas. Inej honestly didn’t mind this time alone with Nina, head resting on her shoulder, tucked warm inside her embrace. It felt safe here.

She wanted to fall asleep right then and there, but there was one more thing Inej was desperate to ask.

“Did you have any friends?”

“I moved around a lot. It was kind of hard to get attached to one person. But…” There was this longing, distant look in Nina’s eyes, and Inej knew her hunch had been correct. She’d seen that look before, sometimes, when something must have reminded her of someone. “There was someone.”

“What were they like?”

“Mean. He really hated me at first. But once you got to know him, he was really just a big softie. He cared about what I had to say.”

“He sounds wonderful,” Inej whispered, and then, just as Jesper came back, she finally drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is sleep on the floor by the lumineers! again, a song that my mom listens to :) it makes me nostalgic  
> plus, our first piece of art for this fic! go support my friend starw1sh and check out their super cute ninej art here: https://starw1sh.tumblr.com/post/628337977348816896/my-piece-for-fricklefracklefloofs-the


	3. i wanna ruin our friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a very short chapter i am sorry! but important in some ways

Nina was most definitely falling  _ hard _ for her best friend, and it was the worst thing that could have ever happened on this trip.

If it had been anyone else, Nina probably would have her lips on theirs already. She flirted with who she liked, male or female. It wasn’t hard for her to get what she wanted.

But Inej, she knew, was off-limits. Not just because she was very obviously straight—that usually didn’t stop Nina from flirting with cute girls, just for fun—but because she knew that would wreck this trip.

She knew because she saw how much Inej cared for Jesper, paid close attention to his needs and knew exactly when he was going to stop and stretch his legs. She knew because she saw how Inej never took sides between Nina and Jesper’s bickering, always defused the argument before it escalated. She knew because she saw how well the group fit together, and Nina could not risk breaking Inej’s—or even Jesper’s, for that matter—heart.

But oh, it was so, so hard for her to handle it right now when Inej was sitting next to her and using her earbuds and smiling and  _ literally falling asleep in her lap.  _ Eight hours sitting in the backseat with a very pretty girl was torture, and it took everything in Nina not to wrap her arms around her and press her lips against hers.

It had been hard to talk about Matthias, let alone Virginia, with Inej. But she must have guessed the real reason why Nina wanted to be on this trip. Nina was homesick, not just for Waffle House, but for everything.

And maybe she did want to spend a good chunk of her summer alone with just her best friends.

After Jesper came back from the gas station, he paused to look at Inej asleep in the backseat, her head resting on Nina’s shoulder, then grinned. “Guess we should find a place to stay for the night.”

Nina looked up at him pleadingly. “Please.”

Jesper grinned. “Sure. But first—” he gestured to something behind him with a tip of his shoulder, “—look over there.”

Nina craned her head to look out the window. “What.”

Jesper looked as if he was about to burst out laughing. “Look.”

Nina almost didn’t know what he was referring to until her eyes landed on a certain car. “What. Is  _ that.” _

Jesper was holding back giggles. “Look at it! Look at the  _ stickers! _ ”

“Oh my god.” The windows and sides of the car were covered in anime stickers, not enough to maybe violate some sort of law, but definitely enough to draw attention. Inej would likely tell them not to make fun of people for their hobbies. But it was just so— _ odd. _

“Jesper, please, I can’t handle this,” Nina breathed between laughter she was struggling to hold back. Inej was  _ asleep.  _ She didn’t even know why she was laughing so hard; on any other day she might have thought it was just weird. But then she thought of who might be driving that car, and the look on Jesper’s face, and all the anxiety she’d felt the whole day, and—she just couldn’t help herself.

Jesper kept wildly glancing back at it. “No shame. Absolutely no shame. How do you just drive a car like that?”

Nina gave herself a moment to catch her breath. “I mean, respect for them not giving a shit.”

“No kidding. Okay, let’s go, before they see us.”

They drove for a little while longer until Jesper found someplace for them to stay the night. Money thankfully wouldn’t be too much of an issue, considering the amount that Genya and Alina had given her, but Nina was being uncharacteristically cautious. She still wasn’t used to this treatment from the two of them, and she could easily blow all of it if she wanted to, but she decided to be semi-responsible for once.

They practically carried Inej up the stairs to their room. Inej wouldn’t have stumbled—she never did—but as she linked arms with Nina’s, she leaned, slightly, on her shoulder.

Exhausted from the drive, it didn’t take long at all for the three of them to get to bed. Nina and Inej took the two beds; Jesper was sprawled out on the pullout couch and snoring in minutes.

Still, Nina stayed awake. Her mind was whirling in endless circles, replaying the same events; Inej leaning on her, the warmth of her body comforting next to her. The picture of wonder on her face when they caught their first glimpses of snow. Her arm looped in hers as Nina helped her to their room. 

This was bad. This was really, really bad.

Nina thought everyone had fallen asleep hours ago, but still, as she lay there in an attempt to drift off herself, she heard Inej’s soft voice.

“Nina?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Helping me.”

Nina felt her face grow warm, and she was suddenly very glad that it was so dark.

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jenny by studio killers! a lesbian anthem. you'll see a lot of these lol


	4. you're my best friend

They’d barely even passed out of California, but Jesper was already fed up with this trip.

Well. That wasn’t true. It wasn’t the trip itself that Jesper resented, but the long, excruciatingly still hours of just _driving._ He’d thought that being behind the wheel would keep him occupied, but there was only so much tapping and speeding and dancing to the same Queen songs over and over that you could do before it just got _monotonous._ He could have relinquished the driving rights to Nina or Inej anytime, but that would also mean relinquishing music rights, and that would be too much for Jesper to bear.

It reminded him of farmwork, though a lot less rigorous. Jesper’s father would emphasize that the exercise would help him with his pent-up energy, but doing the same tasks over and over got boring quickly. Normally his mother was there to help him cope with his restlessness, spice up the work with jokes and songs and small games in between, but she wasn’t there. 

Jesper didn’t want to admit it, but he was slightly homesick. Not necessarily for the farm itself, but for his mother. Aditi was always there to provide guidance when Jesper was so restless he couldn’t process words clumped together in overwhelming paragraphs, when he paced and fidgeted around the house so much it drove his father insane, when his mind was whirling and his body was twitching too fast for even meds to solve.

There was something else, too.

The next morning, after a little bit of friendly bickering and a very strange breakfast, the three of them were back on the road in little time. As much as he dreaded driving, the prospect of traveling through more states and seeing new places sent a thrill through Jesper. Surely he could tolerate this for a little longer.

Jesper hadn’t forgotten how Nina was acting last night, but he didn’t say anything until the next rest stop. Inej left to use the bathroom, leaving them standing alone near a patch of grass where people could let their dogs play.

He could see Nina was visibly uncomfortable. Her bickering with him hadn’t stopped, but she was getting increasingly more distracted with something intensely relatable to Jesper.

Jesper knew she was going to break soon. Nina was probably one of the most talented actresses he knew, but even Jesper, who normally was terrible at reading people, could tell when his friend was dealing with something, especially something he knew all too well.

The two of them stood, silently, staring at a woman holding a leash tethered to her Shih Tzu, coaxing it to go, but it was preoccupied with a fascinating squirrel.

“Jesper?”

There it was.

“Hmm?”

“I… I didn’t want to tell you this earlier, but I literally can’t hold it in anymore and now it doesn’t seem fair to keep things from you, even if this means things will all go to shit.”

“Okay.”

“I have a crush on Inej. I’m sorry. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want things to go like this at all. But I can’t hide my feelings. That’s not who I am, and I’m sure you feel the same. I know this probably comes as a shock to you, but I want you to know I won’t let it escalate, I won’t let it ruin things we ha-”

“Oh, I know.”

“What?” Nina was staring at him incredulously. “You- how? Jesper!” She looked hilariously betrayed, and Jesper suddenly had the feeling that maybe she _wanted_ him to be surprised. 

“Are you kidding me? Of course I knew! You two obviously have _something_ going on.” He smirked. “I’m offended that you didn’t tell me earlier,” he said, placing a hand on his heart. 

“Tell you—Jesper, this is a new thing! I just figured this out like, yesterday, you can’t just invalidate my awakening like this!” 

Yesterday? Well, Jesper had thought he was dumb, but at least he knew when he liked someone. At least, he was pretty sure.

He’d thought it was obvious. He’d sort of suspected this was going to happen, had prepared for inevitably becoming some sort of third wheel. It was okay, of course. Nina and Inej were his best friends. He couldn’t ever be jealous of them.

“I just—god, I know it’s never gonna happen. I shouldn’t let these feelings last any longer, I just needed to talk to someone,” Nina sighed.

Did… did Nina actually think that Inej was straight? Sure, she’d only ever dated guys (that Kaz guy was something else), and might have said, at one point, that she was straight, but Jesper wasn’t born yesterday. _Obviously_ she wasn’t, and Nina just didn’t know it. She listened to Girl in Red, for God’s sake. (That was Nina’s fault, and Inej had said at one point that she wasn’t gay, she just liked her music, but _still._ )

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Inej was actually straight. Jesper was pretty confident in his gaydar, but if _Nina_ of all people thought differently…

He could have comforted her better, but all Jesper said was, “It’s okay.” He pulled Nina into a tight hug. “We bisexuals stick together.”

Nina snickered, a muffled sound against his chest. “Solidarity.”

“You’re my best friend. I love you. Thank you for telling me.”

“Nooo!” Nina shoved him away from her, laughing merrily now. 

“I looove you. _Ooh, you make me live!_ ” Jesper sang, another one of his constant references to Queen. He knew that Nina was sick of him playing their songs and that she hated him singing them more. She claimed his voice was annoying. Jesper was sure she was just jealous (he’d heard her sing, after all).

“Shut up!” Nina laughed, but Jesper knew he’d made her mood a lot better.

“Shut up about what?” Inej asked, and the two of them jumped. They hadn’t seen her coming.

“Nothing!” Nina immediately said at the exact time that Jesper said: “My singing.”

“Why would you want Jesper to shut up?” Inej asked. “I think his voice is wonderful.” 

Jesper beamed at her. “ _Thank_ you. Someone doesn’t appreciate true talent.”

“I know what talent is. You just don’t possess it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JESPER CHAPTER JESPER CHAPTER EHEHEEHE the song is "you're my best friend" by queen but i think that should be obvious


	5. there's a little snail living with me in my shell (it's fair to say i don't like it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little tw for,,, jan van eck being mean

Wylan wished he could change everything about himself.

He was fantastic on the flute, passable at chemistry, excellent at math (according to his tutor, at least), not bad on the piano, and fairly good at art, but none of those particularly mattered much when he couldn’t even read his own name.

_"You are a disgrace to your heritage. How can you even begin to manage our family business if you can’t even sign a document?”_

Wylan didn’t know why he couldn’t read. One of his tutors had almost cracked it, but his father had sent her away once she started suggesting education that he didn’t approve of.

He was just lazy, Father insisted. It didn’t matter if the words danced in front of his eyes and gave him a headache and made his mind wander, it was his fault, his fault, always his fault.

And it probably was. If the words were moving too much for him to comprehend, Wylan just wasn’t trying hard enough. If he had a headache, Wylan was just complaining far too much. If his mind was wandering, Wylan just needed to concentrate more. 

Father was always right. Even if it hurt. 

He was planning something, Wylan knew. Whenever a new tutor was coming, or Father was rolling out a new policy, or he’d cancelled Wylan’s flute lessons for something very distressing, Jan Van Eck was always chillingly chipper. Wylan had learned to watch out for his father’s moods, every little detail that could be the difference between a kind word or a slap.

As he sat at his desk, painstakingly trying to absorb every little bit of information from the miracle of an audiobook he’d found on the internet, Wylan heard the familiar _creak_ of the floorboard right outside his door. It was such a small sound that even his perfectionist father wouldn’t have noticed, but enough of a warning that Wylan shut his laptop, hid his headphones, and trained his eyes onto the physical book that he should have been reading. The familiar heavy footfalls gave away exactly who was coming to scold Wylan when he swung open the door.

“Are you studying?”

“Yes, Father.”

“Look at me when I’m speaking to you.”

Wylan looked at him when he was speaking to him.

“Pause the studying for a moment. I need to talk to you.”

Oh boy. Here it was. Wylan closed the book (though that was definitely just for show; he wasn’t even reading it anyways) and focused his full attention on his father, or at least tried to, because his heart was thumping and his mind was racing at a million miles per hour. He noticed his leg was bouncing; he stopped immediately.

“I’m sending you to a boarding school.”

Sorry, what?

Wylan had never been allowed to go to a real school. In the past, he’d begged his father to let him, wanting desperately to interact with other kids, to at least feel _normal_ —there weren’t a whole lot of options for him to be friends with, being a rich businessman’s son who lived the most sheltered life ever.

Being surrounded by other kids only made him more susceptible to spilling his _secret._ Father was protecting him, of course, as he always was; Wylan might not like it, but it was for his own safety. Thinking about other boys his age made him a little nervous, if he was being honest.

“But-”

“It’s an all-boys’ school located in a tiny town in Virginia. You probably won’t find much about it on the internet. There will be many boys that come from more proper families that you are more suitable to hang out with, so you won’t have to worry about standing out.”

That, at least, was a relief. Wylan knew next to nothing about talking to people, at least not to other boys his age. He’d only ever had meaningful interactions with the press or his father’s business partners, but even those were always forced, and Van Eck had always told him what to say. Maybe he could even relate to his classmates. 

“What—if I may ask, Father—prompted you to make this decision? I thought you didn’t want me around so many people at once.”

“The boys at this school have much better upbringings than the ones at a _public school_ would.” Van Eck knew his son would go nowhere at a public school. Of course, he knew his son would go nowhere regardless of what school he went to, considering his secret, but Wylan was sure he wouldn’t want to stain the Van Eck reputation further. “And I think that you’ve shown considerable progress in your studies in such a short amount of time. It would be good for you to pursue your education among boys your age now that you’ve finally seemed to have grown out of your… affliction.”

Wylan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There was a light feeling in his heart that he hadn’t felt in a long time, almost like he was floating. _Considerable progress_ … it almost sounded like a compliment. Wylan wanted to snatch it up and hold it close to him. His father thought he was doing _well._

Then he remembered why and his heart dropped like a stone.

His father believed he was doing well because Wylan was _lying._ He hadn’t shown considerable progress in his studies because he was reading the books, it was because he was listening to them.

Three years ago, a boy had shown Wylan a trick that would change his life forever.

His father was having guests over for dinner that evening, discussing some changes in the business Van Eck had long ago stopped elaborating to Wylan because he knew there was no hope in him inheriting their empire anymore. One of his father’s business partners had brought his son with him, to teach him something, Wylan didn’t know. He was jealous, if he was honest. Jan Van Eck had also stopped taking his son anywhere outside of the house.

Conversations with people who came for business purposes (even if they were his age), were often strained, polite, peppered with small talk and uncomfortable questions that Wylan always struggled to answer without his father around. 

This boy, however, was different from the others. Wylan almost felt secondhand embarrassment from him; it was good that his father was focusing on other things than the children for once, or else he might have noticed Kuwei’s “disrespectful” behavior.

He was shy, at least at first, and maybe Wylan empathized with him because he was the one to initiate their conversation, some polite question about how he was doing or whatever, Wylan couldn’t remember.

Then, after a couple minutes of awkward conversation, Kuwei leaned in and whispered, “ _The food here is bad._ ”

Wylan stifled a snort, then whipped his head around to see if his father was looking. He wasn’t. Jan Van Eck was deeply engaged in a conversation on the other side of their massive dining table with Bo Yul-Bayur about new technology.

“It is not. Our cooks take great care to make sure our food is of utmost quality. They take feedback from me all the time.”

Kuwei sniffed. “It’s too bland.”

Wylan didn’t know why this was so funny to him—maybe it was just the tension of the atmosphere, the way that Kuwei phrased it, or just the sheer oddity of the comment—but he nearly burst out laughing, choking down his joy in a frantic attempt to not draw attention to himself.

When he’d gotten control of himself, he said: “Well, that’s because I let them know when things are too spicy. I just can’t handle it.”

“You’re a coward.”

They continued bantering back and forth like this throughout the rest of the evening, long after dinner was finished and their fathers were still deep in discussion. Kuwei was probably one of the funniest people Wylan had ever met, in a world full of seriousness and business and hardly any light. Wylan found himself more comfortable around him than he ever had been around other kids his age.

Later he would realize Kuwei treated him that way because he didn’t respect him. But still, he didn’t look at Wylan with contempt, disdain, or even envy—he simply seemed _amused_ by the idea of Wylan, and still treated him more nicely than anyone had in a long time.

After dinner, Kuwei pulled out his phone, a gesture even more rude and interesting to Wylan as he played a very frustrating-looking game involving a bird and obstacles.

“What is that?”

Kuwei looked at him strangely. “It’s Flappy Bird,” he said matter-of-factly, as if Wylan was supposed to know what it was.

Wylan felt a flush of embarrassment. “Oh. Right.”

“Have you never played it before?”

“I’m not allowed to play games on my phone.” Actually, Wylan hadn’t been allowed a phone at all until quite recently, after begging his father to let him communicate with him while he was away. He didn’t mention the fact that it was really because he wanted to feel like a regular thirteen-year-old boy with a phone, but still, he was eventually granted one. It was until he tried to use it that he realized that his father was right about not letting him have one; he could barely use it without being able to read anything.

“Here. Try it.” Kuwei let Wylan play a few rounds; it was fairly simple for him to understand after watching Kuwei play, but it certainly wasn’t as easy as it looked. Wylan wasn’t very good at it.

“Are there any other fun things you can do on there?” Wylan asked, having given up on the game after dying at least six times. He hadn’t thought it would be so hard to avoid a bunch of pillars.

“Sure. Like this.” Kuwei held down on the home button of his phone and Wylan heard a loud noise. “Siri, what is zero divided by zero?”

Wylan frowned. He knew the answer to that; surely Kuwei did, too? He seemed smart. Kuwei seemed to know a lot more about everything than Wylan ever would.

But instead of saying “undefined”, like the phone should have, Wylan heard a male Australian voice say something about having zero cookies and zero friends and how Cookie Monster was sad.

Wylan burst out laughing. “That’s not the answer! How does it do that?”

“It just takes voice commands,” Kuwei responded, as if that explained anything. He hadn't even batted an eye at the joke, but he seemed pleased that Wylan had laughed. “Do you have an iPhone? I feel like you would. You don’t know about Siri?”

Wylan felt dumb again. His father had left him to learn how to use a phone on his own. It didn’t help that he couldn’t read the manual. “No? Wait, you can talk to your phone?”

“Yeah. You can send messages too.” Kuwei pressed a button and said, “Text Dad ‘hurry the fuck up’.” 

Wylan gasped. “It _sent_ him that?” He didn’t know if he was more shocked about the content of the message or the fact that you could send messages with your _voice_ instead of typing. “You can tell it to do anything? Can you talk instead of typing? How do you do that again? Can it read to you?” He suddenly realized just how important this conversation could be for him, and he wanted to know _everything._

Kuwei, for all of his insufferability, managed to answer every one of Wylan’s questions with surprising patience. He seemed to thrive in teaching Wylan how to use a phone, as if all of the quizzing was incredibly flattering and that he wanted nothing more than to flex his technological abilities.

Wylan thanked him and then thanked him again and then proceeded to ask one question after another until it grew very late and then suddenly Kuwei and his father were leaving. For once, Wylan didn’t want their new visitor to leave. His father and Bo Yul-Bayur hadn’t seemed to leave on very good terms, and with all the tension in the air, Wylan felt that familiar ache of loneliness when he realized he likely would never see Kuwei ever again.

Before he left, Kuwei turned to Wylan. “I don’t like your father. But you are pretty cool, Wylan Van Eck,” he whispered, then winked. “If you ever need help with computers, you can find me. I can do just about _anything_ for a cute boy.”

And then he was out the door, leaving Wylan to think about the interaction for weeks afterward, turning those same words in his head over and over again thinking about _what could they mean,_ and _he thought I was cute._ Wylan didn’t get to be around many people, but thinking about Kuwei made him feel unfamiliarly warm and strange and nervous, this different kind of nervous that he wasn’t accustomed to at all.

Even three years later, Wylan still remembered every word that Kuwei had said to him, and he made sure to put the knowledge to good use. Being able to speak to his phone and use it to read things aloud to him opened up a whole new world of learning for Wylan. He could ask the internet just about anything and he could learn it. He figured out how to use this function on his computer, how to watch any video or demonstration of chemistry he could ever dream of, and most importantly, how to find _audiobooks._

Wylan had thought he was hopeless. Countless conversations with his father about how useless and lazy he was had led him to believe that it wasn’t even worth trying to learn to read anymore. He had found ways to hide it, at first, but now he could ask his computer to read something for him as many times as he wanted and it would never scold him, never tell him he was stupid, never tell him to read it himself. He asked for digital versions of all his textbooks and found audiobooks online for things he didn’t have. He listened to them, over and over, and memorized them when he knew he may need to read something aloud to his tutors, finding a certain melody to every word he heard and setting it to a tune.

And he began to improve. Not in the way his father might have hoped, but enough that he caused his tutors and even Van Eck to believe that Wylan was learning, Wylan was trying, Wylan finally wasn’t useless anymore, and he could read, he could. His father hardly spent any time with him anymore; he never noticed the countless nights Wylan spent listening, memorizing, even when sleep was overtaking him and he knew he needed to rest, but if he could just _learn._

But he was lying. And now that Father believed that he could read, Wylan knew there was no going back now. He would be expected to do more than ever before. He would have to go to an all-boys’ boarding school and be forced to read and then not be able to and be humiliated in front of thousands of other students just like him, and they would know, they would all _know._

But it was right there, just out of reach. Wylan had a chance to be what he had always wanted to be, live a life just like any other boy his age, go to school, be treated like someone who wasn’t useless and would for once actually accomplish something in his life. He knew he was a fraud, and it would be twice as hard for him to keep up this lie among other students and teachers. But he wanted it, so badly.

“Alright. I’ll go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first wylan chapter,,, hoo boy  
> the song is "snail" by cavetown ft. chloe moriondo! one of my favorites of his, i feel like it's a wylan anthem. actually cavetown just gives me wylan vibes in general  
> finally, our second piece of art for this fic is by the lovely artisticaperture! i love how she portrayed the scene with kuwei and wylan, it made me really happy to see them together lol and their expressions are just PRICELESS. go check it out: https://artisticaperture.tumblr.com/post/628283298025766912/yeah-you-can-send-messages-too-kuwei-pressed-a


	6. look at my friend in california (she really likes the freckle on my face)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://imgur.com/j72Ca9s

Inej was losing track of how long they’d been on the road, and she was sure her friends had forgotten long before she had. She could only remember the places they passed through, because Jesper never hesitated to scream out the name of the state they were entering when they passed a sign. Colorado. Missouri. Illinois, as of today. Nina had lamented the fact that they were not, in fact, going to be passing through “yeehaw territory” (Texas).

“Doesn’t the Midwest count as yeehaw territory too?” Inej had pointed out.

“It’s not the same,” Nina had responded, as if it was actually something worth grieving.

Well, they were in yeehaw territory now, Inej had decided, Texas or not. Because it was weird. Their surroundings were different (no hills on all sides). The weather was different (humid, not dry). The people were different (people wore MAGA hats like it was something to be proud of). The houses were different (they just looked different).

And Inej felt different.

Maybe it was their surroundings, maybe it was the amount of time she had spent in the car, but something seemed to have changed for her, something she couldn’t quite place.

Or maybe it had been the same all along. Regardless, the longer Inej spent with Nina and Jesper, the more she started to look at them differently.

Or, Nina at least.

Inej had never spent so much time with her friends at once. It was overwhelming, having the same people encompass every hour of her day. Inej occasionally longed for more than just a few minutes of privacy each day, but for the most part she loved being with Nina and Jesper at all times. She had seen her friends’ worst and best sides on this trip, and it was something Inej knew she would never forget.

Inej had been friends with Jesper since she was in kindergarten, but compared to him, she’d only known Nina for just a snatch of time. She thought she had gotten down all of Nina’s personality traits and antics for the most part, and having spent all of her time on this trip constantly by her friends’ side, Inej liked to think that they had gotten fairly close.

Still, there was a surprising lack of things that Inej knew about Nina’s life before California. She knew she lived in a foster home in Virginia. She knew there was at least one person there that she missed. And she knew that Nina didn’t like to elaborate more than that; Inej was positive that the real reason for the trip was not, in fact, Waffle House.

Inej knew it was none of her business. But at the same time, if they were expected to drive across the country solely for Nina’s nostalgic purposes (well, it was also for all of their enjoyment, but that was beside the point), Inej thought they deserved to at least know more about it.

But she wasn’t in a rush. Whenever Nina was ready to tell them, Inej was willing to listen.

She stole a glance at her friend now, leaned over with her hands on the passenger and driver’s seats to bicker with Jesper about food preferences for the third time that day.

Again, Inej got that sense that something was different with Nina, something she couldn’t quite place. Had she grown? Gotten taller without Inej noticing? There was something about the gleam of her eyes and the shape of her lips and the way her hair fell across her back that triggered some odd feeling inside Inej’s chest. It was something that Inej could have sworn felt familiar but at the same time completely foreign, like it had been here the entire time and she’d just never noticed.

“Inej,” Nina said, turning back to look at her. “What is your opinion on eating cereal dry like a  _ fucking conservative _ ?” Jesper’s head poked out from behind their friend to hear Inej’s answer, despite the fact that he was  _ driving.  _

“I—Jesper,  _ eyes on the road _ —it depends on the cereal,” Inej responded. Nina was frowning at her in that way that she did when Inej took the middle ground in just about all of their arguments. Something about the way that her mouth was curled made it look really… she didn’t know. “Like, I’ll eat Lucky Charms dry. But sometimes I still prefer them with milk.”

Nina pointed at Inej. “This is because you keep bringing plastic bags full of Lucky Charms to school and giving Inej the marshmallows. You’ve infected her.”

Jesper laughed. “I’ve enlightened her!”

“It’s disgusting! Have you no shame?”

“Some of us are lactose intolerant.”

“ _ I’m  _ lactose intolerant,” Inej pointed out, “not you. And that still doesn’t stop me from consuming dairy products.”

“I am lactose intolerant!” Jesper insisted. “I don’t tolerate milk! It’s disgusting!”

“You literally  _ own cows, _ ” Nina said. “How can you not like milk?”

“That has absolutely nothing to do with it,” Jesper responded.

Nina sighed and settled back down in her seat. “I can’t believe you.”

“It’s okay, Nina,” Inej reassured her, resting a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I think milk is wonderful. And I’m not even meant to have it.”

Nina, oddly, blushed and looked away uncomfortably, something that caught Inej off guard. She’d meant it in a more mocking fashion.

“Whatever,” her friend murmured.

Jesper’s voice sounded from the driver’s seat. “Aww…”

“Shut up!” Nina snapped, which made Inej laugh, but she could tell something was up.

The next time Jesper stopped, they took a break at a convenience store, because the three of them had finally polished off all of the snacks, including Jesper’s vegetables that no one wanted to touch (he acted like he wasn’t hurt).

Inej browsed silently, trying to find something that was at least sort of nutritious, since they’d basically been living off junk food, other than Jesper’s fresh produce.

Glancing at the candy section, Inej saw something that caught her eye. The store sold bags of mini Peppermint Patties, and for some odd reason that made her smile. In Inej’s opinion they were alright (and they certainly weren’t healthy), but she knew they were Nina’s favorite.

Inej walked up behind her friend and poked her shoulder. “Nina, look,” she whispered, holding up the bag with a smile.

Nina must have jumped at least fifty feet into the air. “Holy—Inej, you  _ scared me.  _ Are those Peppermint Patties?” The shock written on her face was priceless, and also weirdly adorable. Inej felt laughter bubble up in her throat.

“Mini ones,” Inej corrected as Nina took the bag. 

“I haven’t had these in  _ forever! _ Thank you, oh my gosh.” Nina’s smile was radiant, and Inej swore she could feel the warmth from miles away. Something inside her fluttered.

_ What is that? _

“Okay, I think that’s all, then,” Nina declared, adding the bag to her growing pile of junk food. So much for trying to be healthy. “Where the hell is Jesper?”

“I’m almost done!” They heard his voice from the other side of the store. “Just—wait, help me choose.” 

Nina and Inej watched as their friend emerged holding two snack bags. “Which trail mix?” Jesper asked.

“The one with M&M’s,” Nina suggested. “Why is the other one even an option?”

“Because it’s  _ healthier, _ ” Inej insisted. Seriously.

“We’re here for a good time, not a long time. It’s not trail mix without salty M&M’s.”

“Trail mix  _ is _ kind of just M&M’s with obstacles,” Jesper pointed out. “I don’t know if I could handle this kind,” he said, looking suspiciously at the healthier trail mix filled with various nuts and dried fruits.

“ _ Exactly!”  _ Nina exclaimed, smiling at Jesper approvingly, who beamed back. “Jesper is an intellectual.”

“I can’t believe this of all things is what you two finally agree on for once,” Inej sighed.

“Because we’re right. Now, can we go, please? We’ve been here for way too long,” Nina said.

Then Jesper’s phone rang, and some unknown expression crossed his face as he saw who was calling. Happiness? Longing? 

“Sorry, I gotta take this. One sec,” he said, leaving the trail mix with the girls as he hurried towards the entrance of the store. Inej heard the beginning of the conversation just before he walked out. “Hey, Ma. Yeah, I’m doing fine…”

“Jesper, I swear to god,” Nina sighed. “Whatever, we’ll buy these for him.”

Inej didn’t mind. She watched silently as Nina chatted with the cashier. There was still something fluttering in her chest that she couldn’t place, why was it familiar, why was it worse now…

There was something weird about the way that Nina smiled. Inej hadn’t seen an expression that had that kind of effect in a long time. It was as if the whole world had gotten brighter and warmer just with a tug of her lips.

There was only one other person that made Inej feel that way when he smiled. And Inej had been his girlfriend.

_ Oh, no. _

Inej didn’t fall for people very easily. It was a slow process, something that required lots of thought and contemplation and observation and revising of past experiences. Normally, she analyzed the boy in question and decided whether it was worth chasing after him, if he was even deserving of her.

It wasn’t usually a girl.

It wasn’t usually  _ Nina. _

_ Maybe it’s just because we’re friends, _ Inej thought.  _ I mean, I think she’s very pretty. You’re allowed to think your friends are gorgeous. _

She was allowed to think her friends were absolutely radiant people who made her feel unbelievably warm when they smiled, who she wanted to be next to at all times, who she wanted to give all the candy to, who she thought were really adorable even when they were extremely petty.

“Okay, that’s all, let’s go already. Jesper better be done talking to his mom or whatever,” Nina said, nudging Inej as they headed towards the front of the store. “You good?”

Because Inej was just recovering from some kind of weird crisis, and she must have looked like she was zoning out because Nina had noticed. Her mind was whirling. “Oh, uh, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Cool. Jesper, are you done?” Nina asked, pushing open the shop doors dramatically. 

Jesper shoved his phone in his pocket. “Yeah. Sorry. Did you get the good trail mix?”

“Of course. Let’s go, I want to get to Waffle House.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for this chapter is "california friends" by the regrettes! a sapphic song AND a california song. obviously perfect for this fic. kudos to alex for recommending this song to me


	7. i don't wanna be your friend, i wanna kiss your lips!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gay

Inej wasn’t acting herself.

Nina didn’t know if her friend was tired, or mad at her, or sick, or _something,_ but she was being weirdly quiet. And it wasn’t the normal kind of _Inej_ quiet, either, just quiet. She didn’t lean as close to Nina as she normally did, and rejected her offer to listen to music with her (why she wanted to listen to “Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy” on repeat with Jesper, Nina had no idea), and worst of all, wasn’t interested in their newly purchased snacks. Not even the trail mix, which Nina thought was still fairly healthy, M&M’s or not.

It made Nina uncomfortable, because she didn’t know what it was, and she didn’t know how to help.

She’d tried, of course. Teased Jesper, tried to get Inej to play along; offered her more snacks; pointed out stuff out the window (there wasn’t much to see, but that was the fun part, as Nina could just point at nothing like it was remarkable).

It didn’t work. Nothing really seemed to elicit more of a response than, “Haha,” or “Cool,” or “Nice,” which was infuriating. Inej seemed to be in her own little world. Since the gas station, she’d been zoning out often, staring out the window longingly as if she were making some sort of important decision.

Which was absurd. Nina didn’t know what she could possibly be deciding.

The next time they paused at a rest stop, Nina cornered Jesper when Inej was out of earshot.

“What’s up with Inej?”

Jesper looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. She hardly answered to any of my jokes. She wanted to listen to your music over _mine,_ for god’s sake.”

Jesper grinned. “Maybe she just had an awakening and realized that Queen is the superior band.”

“Shut up!” Nina shoved him, playfully, but still, she wanted to know what was going on and Jesper wasn’t helping. 

He shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe…” he gave her a _look,_ “...she just likes you back.”

Nina did not like the _look_ he was giving her. “She does _not._ She’s probably just tired of us. You can be pretty annoying.”

“ _I_ can be annoying? You’re the one who wants to fight over food all the time!”

“Because you have the most disgusting opinions. It’s shameful, really, to even be in the same car as you.”

“Rude.” But then Jesper’s expression turned soft. “Look, just talk to her. I’m sure she has a good reason to be acting like this. She always does.”

“I guess.”

Nina had partially been joking with that remark about Inej being tired of them, but it did worry her. What if Inej thought she was too aggressive? Too obnoxious? It was all just jokes, she was always joking, especially with Jesper, but maybe it got taken the wrong way. Nina wasn’t often insecure, but around pretty girls, sometimes those old jabs from former foster siblings about her weight, her merriness, her loud voice, began to resurface. 

She waved those thoughts away. It didn’t matter what people thought of her, Nina was _herself,_ and she didn’t need people’s validation to feel good about it. She couldn’t change the fact that she was bubbly and loud and outspoken and full of jokes about everything. 

And Inej had always been okay with the way Nina was. She laughed at all of her jokes, fed off her merriment, always supporting her no matter what she did. If she had an issue with her, she was always honest and upfront about it. Inej never spoke behind anyone’s back; it was never her style to be petty.

Something must be on her mind, Nina told herself. Inej would come around and let them know what was going on eventually. She had to.

\---

It didn’t happen until they were left alone. Which was Nina’s fault.

They’d found a place to stay for the night and then Nina had forced Jesper out to “get food from that Wendy’s across the street” (the amount of fast food they were eating was getting increasingly worrying, according to Inej, but neither Nina nor Jesper cared). He’d given her that _look_ again, and then winked at her as Nina literally shoved him out the door before he could say anything.

Then Nina turned on her.

“Okay,” she said. Nina was originally going to let Inej do the talking, but this Inej being weird thing had been happening all day, and she had still said nothing. “What the hell is going on? You’ve been really weird all day.” Sure, she was impatient. But Inej wouldn’t lie to her if she brought it up to her face.

Inej’s eyes flicked to the door, then to Nina. She knew exactly what Nina was doing. For a moment, her friend almost looked _guilty._ It wasn’t a good look on her. Nina immediately felt bad, too, but there was no going back now.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t really know what I was feeling for a bit, and I wanted to process it before I let you know.”

And then it was immediately okay. Inej was obviously going through something, and of course she wanted to think about it first before bringing it up with her friends. Now all Nina wanted to know was how to help her.

But she continued. “I just… hm. Nina?”

Anything. Nina could do anything. “Yeah?”

“How do you know when you like a girl?”

Oh.

Well. That was certainly not what she was expecting.

Not that Nina wasn’t an expert on that subject. “Why? Do you like someone?” she asked, a smile tugging at her lips.

“I might,” Inej said. “But I don’t know for sure.”

“I know how that feels. Sometimes it’s different when it’s a girl. Heteronormativity is a bitch.”

“Hetero-what?”

“When heterosexuality is treated as the norm and confuses us gays,” Nina explained.

“Ah.”

“See, for me, I was like, ten. There was this girl in my class, and when I first saw her, I remember my literal thought process was ‘oh, I want to be her friend. I want to hold her hand.’”

“I mean… friends do that?”

“Yeah, until I wanted to kiss her.”

“Oh.”

“That’s the thing with heteronormativity. It pushes the narrative that girls can’t be in love; they can only be friends. Two lesbians could be literally making out and the Karens would say ‘aww, what good friends they are!’ It’s disgusting.”

“Two girls can still be friends, though,” Inej said nervously.

“No, of course they can. Just like two guys can be really good friends, but that doesn’t make them gay. That’s another story. That’s toxic masculinity. But heteronormativity makes it harder for us LGBT kids to realize we’re the way we are, and makes straight seem like the default. When it’s not.”

“I see,” Inej said. “Thank you for explaining. I’m… still kind of new to this.”

“That’s alright! I don’t mind educating,” Nina replied, smiling at her friend as she moved to sit down on the bed next to her. “So who is it that you like?”

“Well, I don’t _know_ yet, if I really like her,” Inej insisted. She seemed to be choosing her words carefully, as if it was suddenly a very crucial moment. “But I know she’s… beautiful. I feel so warm and sunny inside when she smiles. And sometimes I want to do anything to make her happy.”

“ _Inej_ ,” Nina whispered, leaning in close, her eyes wide. “I have something to tell you. I think you _like her._ ”

Inej giggled softly. Her cheeks were pink, something Nina found adorable, but something in her heart twinged with jealousy. She wondered what wonderful girl made her blush like that. 

“You don’t even know who she is!”

“No, I don’t.” Nina grinned. “Do you want to tell me who she is?”

Inej blushed even harder, something Nina didn’t think was possible, especially for _Inej_. “I’m… well… she’s…”

“I mean, you don’t _have_ to tell me. But also. More hints?” Nina asked sweetly.

Inej let out a little huff of laughter. “Well. She’s… confident,” she began.

“Ooh, confident girls. I am into those.”

Nina could tell Inej was trying to hold back more laughter. “Yes, and—she’s—funny,” she sputtered. “She makes a lot of interesting comments.”

“I’m beginning to like this girl.”

“You would,” Inej agreed. She was staring down at her hands, not looking Nina in the eye. Weird.

“Do I know her?” Nina asked, jealousy creeping back into her chest. She shoved it away, making a mental search of girls that were confident and funny and made interesting comments.

“You do,” Inej said. “Very well. But maybe not, at the same time. I think you’re trying to understand her better right now.”

“That is weirdly cryptic and specific. Are you describing, like, my dead grandma or something?”

Inej snorted. “No, I swear!”

“Do _you_ know her well? Is she like, a close friend, or like that random girl in math class that doodles in her notebook and likes anime?”

“ _That_ was weirdly specific,” Inej retorted. “And yes, I’m close to her. But I feel like there’s so much I still don’t know about her. I want her to open up to me more, when she’s ready.”

“This girl seems very mysterious.”

Inej shrugged. “Not really. I just think she’s still a little slow to trust, which I understand. I know she cares about me and I want her to tell me more about herself when it feels right. And even if it may not be something that I expect, I think that’s okay, because I know who she is to me.”

And that made all the jealousy in Nina melt away, because of course she would think that way, and of course that was exactly how Nina wanted to be treated by a friend.

_Inej is a really good friend,_ Nina realized. Of course she knew how wonderful Inej was, how she admired her empathy and coolness and kindness, how beautiful she was when she thought no one was looking. But she hadn’t thought of how wonderful her friend was to her and Jesper.

_I’m lucky to have her._

Nina never had someone in her life who cared for her in such a way. There was Genya, and Alina, of course, and maybe Matthias, but Inej’s care for her friends was unconditional. It was empathetic and understanding, yet it set boundaries, was always careful and thoughtful of other’s needs. It was quietly observing, carefully taking in everything about the other and letting them know about it when they least expected it.

It was _oh, I thought you’d like this because you talked about how much you loved it at one point._

Or _you mentioned you were sensitive to this, so I avoided it._

Genya and Alina’s care was also unconditional, but sometimes they crossed boundaries. Gave Nina too much when she didn’t want it. Still, as much as it irritated her, it was wonderful to know she was loved and she understood they wanted to make her feel that way.

Matthias, though.

It felt odd admitting it, like an incorrect shift of gears in her mind. Telling it to herself felt wrong, so out in the open in her head, and Nina knew if she told it to herself enough, the way she saw things might change.

Matthias’s care was conditional.

When she said it—no, _thought it_ —Nina immediately felt guilty. Matthias was still a great person—an insufferable blond lump of a boy who melted into love when Nina teased him, who would fight for her like a soldier, always making sure that no one would ever dare touch her (even though Nina insisted she could take care of herself).

But he cared for Nina conditionally. Only when she wasn’t too annoying, when she didn’t violate one of his important morals. When she wasn’t bisexual.

That last one, she wasn’t sure. Nina had never told him, but she’d heard his offhand comments about gays and how disgusting they were, and how could they be so proud of their sexuality, it was so annoying, no one actually cares about their agenda and who they want to fuck. 

He wouldn’t hate her for that, though, surely. Matthias would come around eventually, even when he was furious and stubborn and wouldn’t talk to her for days. It just took a little persuasion and maybe bribery and maybe a little bit of begging.

Nina wasn’t one for begging. It made her feel disgusting. But she’d done it for Matthias.

Maybe that wasn’t a good thing.

“That’s nice of you,” Nina just said, completely genuinely, because she couldn’t even begin to pour out the influx of things she just felt to Inej.

Inej smiled. “It’s just something a best friend would do.”

“Wait, _best_ friend?” Inej stiffened. Quickly, Nina tried to remember who Inej considered her best friends. She didn’t think there were that many, but maybe there was someone she didn’t know? She tried to stamp down the surge of jealousy she felt at that. _Inej’s best friend._ “Who are your best friends? There’s us, and… don’t tell me you’re calling _Jesper_ a girl… Unless—” She glanced at Inej.

No. No way. This was some Girl in Red type shit.

Inej was looking down at her hands, another uncommon gesture for her.

They sat there in silence for what felt like ages. Nina’s mind was whirling so fast that she couldn’t focus on one thought for longer than a second. _She said I was beautiful she liked my smile she said she wanted to do anything to make me happy._ Nina tried to will herself into forming words, but something was stopping her.

“I’m not even that funny,” she finally said, lamely. 

Inej made a huffing noise, and only when Nina looked over and saw her bashful smile did she realize she was laughing, again. “I thought you thought you were the funniest person in the world.”

“Not around you.” Nina heard Inej suck in a breath. It was the truth. Nina always tried to seem confident, and most of the time she really was, but around pretty girls like Inej it felt more of an act.

The look Inej gave her was almost pitying. “Come on!” Nina exclaimed. “You should be flattered to be one of the few girls that make Nina Zenik self-conscious.”

“I make you _self-conscious?_ ” 

Nina felt so vulnerable, laying out the contents of her heart to this girl, to _Inej_ of all people. It felt like she was showing off something she normally didn’t want people seeing, like a pimple on her face, a worn part of clothing, her awful handwriting on an assignment. But at the same time, as terrifyingly wonderful as Inej was, Nina knew she wouldn’t trust this with anyone else.

Inej had said that she wanted to know more about Nina. That she would give her as long as she needed to open up to her. But for once, Nina knew she wasn’t doing it just for Inej’s approval. It was because she _wanted to_.

For a thrilling, terrifying moment, Nina wanted to tell Inej everything. She wanted to guide her through every path of her heart, her proudest parts and her worst ones, too. For once, Nina felt an urge to overshare. She wanted Inej to know where her favorite places in the world were, every person in her life and how they treated her, the things that made her scream and cry, about the lowest moments in her life and exactly how she felt about them. 

As outwardly confident as Nina was, deep down, some days she truly believed that no one really cared about how she felt. Sometimes it was fine. Sometimes Nina knew that she loved herself and all of the things that she felt and she didn’t need anyone to validate them. Still, it was hard to trust anyone else with her feelings, because she still harbored a constant fear that someone was going to come and tear them all down.

She could never, ever see Inej doing something like that. 

She knew she could trust this girl with anything.

“Yeah,” Nina said, smiling at her. Her face was burning, and she was definitely sweating way too much for it to be comfortable, but she knew she was okay with admitting it to Inej. _It is okay. I know it is._ Still, the fear inside of her made her response take on a more joking tone. “You make me _nervous._ When you smile or laugh or do that thing with your hair, I get butterflies. It’s shameful, really.”

Inej looked flustered. “I-I do? I—wait, _what_ thing with my hair?”

“When you play with your braid and, like, loop it around your hands sorta? It’s really cute.”

Inej looked down again, obviously blushing too hard to even look Nina in the eye. Which was fine with her. It was also adorable. “I thought this was supposed to be about _me_ liking you, not the other way around.”

“No way. I liked you first,” Nina insisted. Making it sound less serious made it easier. If she played off all of her feelings as jokes, then no one could hurt her anymore.

Still. She didn’t need to joke around Inej.

“But really. I’ve liked you for so long, you don’t even know. I didn’t even know,” Nina admitted, painfully, but it had to be said.

“I didn’t even know.”

“It’s okay. You weren’t supposed to.”

They fell into silence again. It might have been her imagination, but Nina felt like they’d somehow moved closer, sitting together with their legs brushed up against each other, just like those moments in the car.

“What… are we supposed to do now?”

And then there was that cliche movie moment where they looked at each other, faces just inches away from each other, and Nina couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t believe what was happening, and then she wanted to grab her hand—

They heard the door open.

“Hey, guys! I got our—” Jesper took in exactly what was happening, bag of food in hand. He grinned. “Damn, about time!”

Nina furiously scooted away from Inej to the other side of the bed. “Shut up!”

Jesper was laughing hysterically, like he’d been waiting for this moment his entire life. Fearfully, Inej looked at Nina. “He _knew?_ ”

“He knew before even I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for this chapter is "i wanna be your girlfriend" by girl in red because it's not a sapphic fic without girl in red


	8. don't stop me now!

They were immediately back on the road the next day. As always, Jesper was energized.

He felt like he was going to jump out of his seat at any moment, he was so excited. Inej kept telling him he was driving way too fast to be legal, but he didn’t care. Jesper chatted with Nina. Tried (unsuccessfully) not to point out the fact that she and Inej were holding hands. Played the same Queen song three times in a row. Sang at the top of his lungs. Ate inhumane amounts of junk food. Pointed at things out the window (and sometimes stopped for them).

Maybe it was just how close he knew they were to Virginia, or the fact that both of his friends had finally figured out their feelings, but he just felt so _happy._ He felt like he could do anything. The sun was out, the weather was perfect, the view outside was beautiful and fresh and new, his favorite songs never seemed to get old.

Until it started raining.

It happened almost without warning. It had been fine, for the first part of the day—actually very hot and sunny and sticky. Jesper hadn’t thought anything of it. And then it got kind of cloudy and then suddenly there was rain everywhere, pouring from the sky, more than Jesper had ever seen in his life. It had rained before on their trip, but nothing like this.

“Is this normal?” Jesper shouted over the din of… well, everything. His music was still on at full blast, but there was still the constant sound of rain falling in the background. He’d put on the windshield wipers, but he could barely see the road in front of him.

“ _Yes,_ ” Nina groaned.

As if the world was punishing him for driving so fast earlier, Jesper was forced to go at an infuriatingly slow crawl. The roads felt slick and wrong, and he was suddenly terrified of losing control, all the excitement of the day trickling out of himself like rainwater. He could see himself so clearly making one wrong move and then suddenly spinning out of control. 

“This is awful,” Inej sighed. “Do you know how long it’s gonna last?”

“I’m not in control of the weather,” Nina said.

Damn it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They would never make any progress like this.

Then, just as he was about to pull over, Jesper saw something on the side of the road.

A hitchhiker.

But not just _any_ hitchhiker—they’d seen a few, and the three of them knew better than to stop for them—but a boy, probably a little younger than Jesper, soaked to the bone, his ginger hair clinging to his face. He looked out of place—despite the scrapes and mud and grime on his body, he looked… scared. Like he had no idea what he was doing. Jesper was almost sure he wasn’t even making the hitchhiker signal correctly.

And he was _really cute._   
  


“Jesper? What the hell are you doing?” Nina shouted over the music.

“I’m pulling over,” he said, because he was. Jesper almost laughed at the shocked expression on the kid’s face when he realized they were pulling over for him.

“Are you actually—No. No. This is the dumbest thing you could do right now.”

Jesper ignored her, rolling down the window. Rain splattered into the car, but he didn’t care. “Hey.”

“Um. Hi,” the boy said, barely audible over the sound of the rain and Queen blaring from inside the car. Holy shit, did he have _freckles?_ “Are you…”

“Where do you need to go?”

Nina clambered up to the driver’s seat. “Jesper, we are _not_ picking up some random kid off the side of the road.”

“I was just _asking!_ ” he hissed, then looked back at the kid apologetically. “Sorry. My friend is mean.”

“I’m being _reasonable!_ ” 

“Virginia.”

“What?”

“I’m, uh, going to Virginia. Or, I need to go to Virginia. If you could take me there?” the boy asked nervously.

“Hey, that’s where we’re going, too!” Jesper exclaimed, beaming at him. He moved to open the door, but Nina stopped him.

“Hey. Um, _no?_ We don’t know him? We are not letting some stranger in our car?”

Jesper put on a pained expression. “Nina, come on, he’s like—” He looked at the hitchhiker. “How old are you?”

“Sixteen,” he responded.

“He could pass for about twelve,” Inej observed.

“ _Inej,_ you’re not helping,” Nina sighed.

“I’m just pointing it out.”

“Inej, you’re our tiebreaker,” Jesper said, looking back at his friend, who was the only one still in her seat. “He’s like, our age, he’s really cute and does not give me serial killer vibes—” Nina snorted “—and he’s even going to the same place we are. What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” Inej said. “Nina does have a point. We don’t know him.”

“But?” Jesper prompted. There was always a but with her.

“But I really can’t picture him doing anything to us?”

“Looks can be deceiving,” Nina grumbled.

From outside, the kid spoke up, and all of their heads whirled around to look at him. “Um. It’s really fine, I understand if you don’t want to, you don’t know me… I can just wait for someone else.” He looked down at the ground, fidgeting with the strap of his bag.

Oh no. He looked pitiful just standing there, dripping wet, shivering in the cold, scrapes and bruises all over his body. Jesper was sure no one was going to come for him soon, and if he stood out there any longer, he looked like he might fall apart. Maybe looks _were_ deceiving, but…

“Okay, you’re coming with us,” Jesper said, opening the door for him. “No question. Get in.”

Nina groaned, but she sank back in her seat, defeated, and Inej squeezed her hand.

“Just… okay,” the boy said, sliding awkwardly into the passenger seat as Jesper shoved away their bags of snacks to make room for him. The car was already wet, but he was likely going to make an even bigger mess.

“How come _he_ gets to ride shotgun?” Nina complained.

“You get shotgun privilege if you’re cute,” Jesper said, smiling at the boy, who had turned red. “Can someone get him a towel?”

Inej nodded and bravely went out in the rain to retrieve a towel from the trunk, handing it to the boy, who accepted it gratefully. 

“You know, I never caught your name,” Jesper said, once they were successfully back on the road and driving. The ginger-haired boy had finally stopped shivering, though his eyes were still wide with fear, as if they were the dangerous ones, and not him, according to Nina.

“It’s Wylan.”

“Wylan, huh? That’s cute. Well, I’m Jesper,” he said, grandly gesturing to himself. “The lovely lady who gave you your towel is Inej. The homophobic girl is Nina.”

“Shut the fuck up.” To Inej, Jesper heard her say, “We should search his bag.”

Wylan stiffened, but he responded, “You can take a look.”

Nina took the soaking bookbag from him without a word, and together she and Inej sifted through it, conversing in hushed voices.

As the girls talked, Jesper kept his eyes on the road, still careful about the rain, but he couldn’t help but notice Wylan’s bruises and torn clothing.

“You get in a fight?” he murmured.

Wylan immediately went rigid. “I… yeah, something like that.” He played with the towel in his hands.

Jesper gave a nod. Obviously Wylan didn’t want to talk about it. Jesper was curious, even more so now, but he wouldn’t pry, at least not at the moment.

Cute, but mysterious. He wanted to get to know this boy well.

In due time, though. Jesper knew they had to make sure letting Wylan ride with them was safe, but they didn’t need to know all of his secrets at once. Jesper would be patient with this boy. He’d give him all the time he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is... well, don't stop me now by queen, if that wasn't obviousjfhkrfnerkerwr all of the jesper chapters are by queen that's just fact  
> the whole "jesper likes queen" headcanon thing came from this groupchat i'm in, ten of geese. i can't really take credit for all of it anyways i love y'all lindsey venla lemon mikko wybie alex cal leah bleu you're the best


	9. run till i'm gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of hate this chapter sorry in advance  
> ALSO TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHILD ABUSE!! not a lot but there is a description that might trigger people. also implications of guns and killing. stay safe.

Wylan didn’t know what was happening, and he felt like he was going to fall apart at any moment.

Currently he was sitting in the passenger seat of a stranger’s car with the most attractive guy he’d ever seen and two girls who definitely hated him, shivering in a towel while Queen blared in the background, rethinking all of his life choices.

He’d never hitchhiked before. He’d certainly never had to be alone with three other kids his age he’d barely met. It made Wylan feel all trembly and self conscious inside, especially knowing that two of them already hated him. Jesper seemed to like him, but Wylan knew it likely wouldn’t be long until he hated him too.

Still, maybe this would be good practice. If he couldn’t handle these three kids, he certainly wouldn’t be able to handle an entire school of them. An _all-boys_ school, for that matter. Normal kids were bad enough. Boys were terrifying. Often cute. Very, very scary!

Wylan tried to keep his breath steady. Thinking about it only made him feel worse.

Wylan had been a little shocked when he’d been told he would be driven by two complete strangers and his father wouldn’t be accompanying him to his new school. Not that he should have been surprised. But it would have been nice for Wylan’s father to at least see him go.

They didn’t even say goodbye when Wylan left. Someone had just come for him.

Now he was wondering if maybe he should have tried to say something. If Wylan had tried to walk by his father’s office, let him know he was going. Because it may have been the last time he ever got to see his father.

Things had seemed fine at first. Awkward, horrible, but fine. He didn’t remember the two men’s names. Wylan was used to bodyguards, but they generally made him a little uneasy, something about their presence that suggested he was in danger. They’d hardly said anything to him as Wylan had loaded his things into the trunk. He got uncomfortable with the silence in the car and drowned it out with soft classical music in his earbuds, tried to doodle a little in his sketchbook, but it made him feel sick after a while, a lot like when he stared at a page for too long.

He’d settled for just staring out the window and taking in the view as he listened to the calming sounds of various instruments, trying to pick out each individual one. Wylan especially loved listening for the flutes, often imagining what it’d be like to play the part himself. 

Still, as they drove longer and longer, a small part of Wylan began to worry, as it always did. He knew where they were going, but he was unsure if it was the right way. Why were they driving further into the middle of nowhere? It had begun to rain, hard, and the pattering of it breaking through his music only further tugged at his nerves.

His surroundings looked completely unfamiliar. Just land. Wylan couldn’t remember the last time they’d even seen another car pass through here. It was still morning, but there were hardly any lights along the road, and he could just picture someone going missing around here.

_Someone going missing._

“Um,” Wylan began, tentatively taking out his earbuds. “Are you… sure you know where we’re going?”

No response.

“I mean, not that I don’t trust your guys’ judgement or anything. Just… I don’t…”

“Yes,” the man in the driver’s seat replied.

“Oh. Okay.” Wylan felt his cheeks grow hot, regretting speaking at all. Likely he was just being paranoid and there was nothing to worry about. They’d get there eventually.

Still, the vague response bugged him. Wylan put his earbuds back in and tried to escape his nerves, but now he was too distracted to truly enjoy it. He didn’t drive, hardly ever left the house, but surely this wasn’t right. They weren’t even using directions.

Worse, Wylan didn’t even know these two men at all. It wasn’t like his father to assign people he didn’t know at all. Usually he was at least familiar with his bodyguards, even if they didn’t talk much, but these two hardly wanted to exchange pleasantries. Like getting to know him would be an inconvenience.

Didn’t people get kidnapped by their Uber drivers sometimes? They wouldn’t be paying attention to where they were being driven, and that was how the drivers got them. They’d take their victims to the middle of nowhere and then kill them or do whatever Uber drivers did when they kidnapped people.

These weren’t Uber drivers, of course, they were well-paid bodyguards who were supposed to accompany Wylan to his new school. Because he needed that for some reason.

He couldn’t help but notice the presence of their weapons.

And then he had to mentally kick himself. _Of course they have guns, you idiot. They’re bodyguards. They’re supposed to protect you._

So why didn’t he feel safe?

His father would probably tell him there was nothing to worry about, that he was stupid to even have such a notion. Jan Van Eck always seemed put together, always seemed to know what was happening and what he was doing. Wylan always felt like he was left stumbling in the dark, forced to make educated guesses on everything.

Still: _Would you rather have Papa be mad at you or be dead?_

Of course the answer was always the former. Van Eck could scream at him and beat him all he wanted; in the end he’d still be _alive,_ though he felt like being dead sometimes when his father was angry at him.

In those kinds of situations you were supposed to trust your instincts, Wylan supposed. Right now his instincts said this was absolutely terrifying and he had to get out _now._

Heart racing, he tentatively moved to roll down the window. Was he really doing this?

“What are you doing?” the man in the passenger seat asked. He was letting rain into the car, but he didn’t care.

“I feel sick,” Wylan complained, which was sort of the truth. He could feel himself trembling as he leaned out the window, trying to look convincing. “I just need some fresh air.”

Then, when the man turned away, Wylan jumped out of the window.

It was not graceful in the slightest. He tumbled onto the ground, clutching his things as his entire body scraped against the road. Rain splashed around him. 

He heard shouting from inside the car, and as much as Wylan ached all over, he knew he had to go, or this sudden burst of courage would all be for nothing. Scrambling to his feet, he sprinted away from the road, ignoring the pain in his body screaming at him to stop. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew he had to get out of there.

A gunshot rang through the air, and Wylan nearly slipped and fell. That was when he knew his hunch had been right: they were definitely out to kill him.

He didn’t look back, not once, because if he did he was terrified he might stop and never get up again. He ran through mud slogging his footsteps, past unfamiliar trees and grass and wilderness, trying not to think about how much he was ruining his clothes, how he could damage the things in his bag, how furious his dad might be at him.

Finally, when Wylan was close to collapsing from exhaustion, he glimpsed just the barest signs of civilization: a road between the trees and maybe some lights up ahead. He had no idea where he’d run, but he prayed this wasn’t anywhere near the direction those men were going.

Everything in him was begging him to stop and rest, maybe walk in the direction of those lights and find somewhere to lie down safely, but Wylan knew he had to keep going. He might not have covered very much ground, and for all he knew the bodyguards could be right behind him. He knew he was already lucky to have escaped with nothing more than some scrapes, as they’d been driving slowly due to the rain, and the forest had provided cover and made it easier for him to get lost.

Swaying on his feet, Wylan watched as a car passed on the mostly abandoned road. Maybe he could hitch a ride? It would definitely help him put more distance between himself and those men, and maybe…

If he couldn’t trust the bodyguards to take him to his school, maybe he could just make the journey himself. Wylan’s luggage was still in the other car, but he still had his more important possessions with him. 

The whole idea of being accompanied by not one but _two_ bodyguards to school bothered him anyways. Wylan always hated how overprotective his father could be; it was like he never believed that he could truly be independent. He was old enough to take care of himself, and he technically was of legal age to drive now. Still, Wylan couldn’t even read his own name, so maybe his father had good reason to think that way.

The idea of getting into yet _another_ stranger’s car made Wylan sick to his stomach, but he knew there wasn’t any other way, unless he wanted to wait for either his father or those men to find him. And this made sense, too. Maybe his father didn’t have to know that there were issues with those bodyguards. Maybe Wylan could find his way to school himself, and his father didn’t have to be angry at him.

He’d be alive, _and_ he’d avoid an argument with Papa. That sounded better than he thought it was going to be.

So he sat by the road, tried to keep himself conscious, and waited. Until a miracle arrived in the form of a white Tesla with suns painted on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that last line was meant to be a joke for my gang anyways rich lesbian alina drives a white tesla with suns on it that's just fact now  
> the song is "runs in the family" by amanda palmer! good wylan song. it slaps


	10. i guess i should start looking out for you, like i always do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hngdhfdhfgah bfHKKFJNGSKJFKN

Nina didn’t like this, and neither did Inej, but here they were.

She tried not to show it, but Inej could see that Nina was irritated with Jesper, with everyone, and it worried her a little. They hadn’t found anything when they’d searched Wylan’s bag, to Nina’s frustration, because she obviously wanted to find something to justify her suspicion.

Wylan had fallen asleep shortly after they’d started driving again, and Inej almost felt bad for him, as uncomfortable as she was. He looked like an absolute mess—Inej had no idea what he must have been through.

“He draws,” she observed as Nina flipped through Wylan’s sketchbook.

“Does he?” Jesper asked softly from up front. “Now that I think about it, he does look like the artist type. I bet he’s actually really nerdy.”

“Should we be looking through that?” Inej whispered to Nina, who was still glaring at the pencil sketches inside. “It might be personal.”

“Too bad,” Nina hissed. “He chose to hitchhike with us. We have to learn everything we can about him.”

This felt like a blatant violation of privacy to Inej, but she supposed Nina was right, though she didn’t know what things she would find in there that would help prove their point in any way.

“He plays the flute, too,” Inej commented, cradling the instrument carefully in her hands. It looked pretty expensive for a kid they found sitting on the side of the road.

“The _flute,_ huh?” Jesper said in a way that made even Nina stifle a snicker despite herself. He stole another glance at the sleeping boy that looked almost concerned. “What kind of kid is this?”

“Maybe he plays it on the streets for people to tip him,” Nina muttered.

“ _Nina_ ,” Inej hissed. “That’s an awful thing to say. We don’t know where he came from, and we shouldn’t pry.”

“Sure. And when we end up dead, you’ll definitely be like, ‘Well, at least we didn’t make him _uncomfortable._ ’”

And that _really_ stung, because Inej was just trying to help. Something must be up. Nina made frustrated comments sometimes, or liked to make fun of them, but she wasn’t poisonous like this. Not to mention they still were hardly talking about what happened last night, and Nina definitely wasn’t one to avoid that kind of topic.

“Hey,” Inej said, making sure that Nina was making eye contact with her. “That wasn’t nice. I’m trying to respect his privacy while also making sure we stay safe. I don’t appreciate you saying that to me.”

Nina looked away, and for the first time, she actually looked guilty. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. And then, to Inej’s shock: “I definitely went too far.”

“It’s okay,” Inej whispered as she reached out and squeezed her hand. They’d talk about this later.

\---

Wylan awoke right before they stopped for the night to get out of the rain, apologizing profusely, which somehow irritated Nina further.

“Okay,” Nina said, addressing the elephant in the room as they parked in front of the hotel. “This is where we stop. Time for you to find someone else to ride with.”

“Excuse me? Who made you the boss?” Jesper interjected. “We’re almost to Virginia; we might as well just drop him off there tomorrow.”

“Sorry, but last time I checked this was _my_ foster mom’s car,” Nina spat. “Maybe you shouldn’t be driving it if you’re just going to let random kids ride with us.”

Jesper looked wounded, and again Inej was struck with the thought that something was wrong. Nina often joked about Jesper’s “poor” driving, but she had never expressed an actual issue with it until now.

She waited for Jesper to say something in retaliation, because that was completely out of line for Nina, but he just looked down at the ground. 

“Look, it’s fine,” Wylan blurted before Inej could scold Nina again. “Obviously I’m making you guys uncomfortable. I can find my way to school on my own.”

“No, we want you here, I swear,” Jesper mumbled, but he didn’t seem so sure of himself anymore.

“The school?” Nina asked. “You never mentioned anything about a school.”

Wylan reddened. “Um. Yeah, I… I’m trying to get to this one school,” he mumbled, obviously uncomfortable with accidentally revealing this bit of information.

“Looks like it starts pretty early,” Nina observed, not buying this for a second. “It’s still July.”

“Yeah,” Wylan agreed.

“Look,” Inej said. “Nina, it’s fine, we can drive Wylan the rest of the way to Virginia. It wouldn’t make sense to stop now, and it won’t be for much longer anyways. We’re almost there! To Waffle House!” She plastered on a smile, hoping this reminder would improve Nina’s mood.

“Whatever. But he’s not staying with us,” Nina snapped, making her way towards the hotel as if they were done with the conversation.

But Inej saw something flicker across Jesper’s face. “Fine, then,” he said in an odd voice that made Inej’s stomach drop. “I’ll stay with him, if you won’t.”

Oh, this was bad. This was very, very bad.

“Oh, so you’re just going to leave us, then?” Nina shot back.

“Yeah. I will. Come on, Wylan,” Jesper said, grabbing the sputtering boy’s arm as he walked away. Inej heard him protesting that he could figure things out on his own, that it was really fine and _no he didn’t have to_ —

“He’s going to get murdered in his sleep,” Nina muttered, then grabbed Inej’s hand, smiling at her in a way that made Inej sick. “Well. I guess we get to spend the night without Jesper for once.”

Inej held her gaze, but she didn’t drop her hand. “That’s not funny. You’re just okay with how this turned out?”

Nina’s triumphant expression turned to genuine confusion. It made Inej’s blood boil. “Why are you mad? I thought you didn’t like Wylan.”

“I don’t. But you’re being really awful, Nina, and it’s not fair to any of us. Care to tell me why?”

Nina’s eyes flashed. “I’m _not_ being awful! I’m just making sure we don’t get killed by some random hitchhiker.”

“I don’t know if you’ve seen already, but Wylan obviously isn’t ‘just some random hitchhiker’; he’s just a kid. We looked through his bag. He told us he needed to go to this… school. I’m not sure what other evidence you need. And that doesn’t mean you get to treat everyone around you like shit. I can handle it, but you made Jesper feel awful today.” Inej was trying her absolute hardest not to raise her voice. She really didn’t want to make a scene in the middle of a parking lot, but for her friends, she would. “The teasing is fine, but you’re going to go too far.” 

She knew Nina and Jesper bickered a lot, had seen it every day, and most of the time, it was fine. Inej knew it was just in good fun, and their group generally enjoyed it. Sometimes, though, she wondered if Nina’s words stung a little too much. It was hard to tell with Jesper, because he usually just laughed it off.

Inej had known Jesper for over a decade. She knew how he tended to brush off his issues, how he avoided the things that made him uncomfortable, made jokes at his own expense. She wondered if he was scared of standing up to Nina. If she ever crossed a line, would he speak up?

But that wasn’t Inej’s battle to fight. If Jesper was hurt by what Nina said, she needed to hear it from him.

Nina looked down at the ground, and Inej hoped she’d finally gotten through to her. She didn’t want to make her feel bad, but her friend needed to know that Inej wouldn’t tolerate this kind of treatment. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. I’m just… nervous.”

“Thank you. But you need to tell that to Jesper, too,” Inej said firmly. “What’s making you nervous?”

“We’re so close,” Nina admitted, and Inej knew she was talking about Virginia. “I’m afraid to see it all again. There’s so many reminders. I almost forgot what it was like to be home again.”

She called it home, like it was more home than California ever would be. Inej didn’t know how she felt about that; she certainly didn’t have the right to feel hurt.

Nina huffed. “And just—Jesper talking about how close we are isn’t helping. I get that he’s excited, but… it just puts me on edge.”

Inej nodded. “I understand. That doesn’t excuse the way you acted, but it explains it, at least. Thank you for telling me.” Then she smiled, squeezing Nina’s hand. She was still upset, but she couldn’t stay furious at her friend for long. “Come on, let’s go. We can get room service without Jesper.”

Nina snickered, and Inej knew that would make her feel better. “Okay, sure.”

\---

They ordered ice cream from room service and ate it on their beds with the TV on, careful not to make a mess as they made fun of every person they saw onscreen. It was entirely self-indulgent and hilarious and perfect for improving Nina’s mood.

Then, when all the ice cream was demolished and nothing good was playing anymore on the TV, they collapsed onto the bed, legs barely brushing against each other, talking about anything and everything.

After everything that had happened earlier that day, Inej felt almost delirious, mind buzzing from the sugar and the laughter and her closeness to Nina. This felt like the perfect time to bring up what had been on Inej’s mind all day.

She took a deep breath. “So… about last night.”

Nina raised her eyebrows. “Last night,” she repeated, a wicked smile on her face.

Inej snorted. She couldn’t help herself. “ _Stop_ it! You know what I mean.”

“Yes, yes, I know. What about last night?” Nina asked. She was still smiling, but Inej could tell it was a bit of an uncomfortable subject for her too.

“What…” Inej didn’t know how to put it into words. She’d been thinking about it all day, but she still didn’t quite know what she meant herself. “What is this? You and me, I mean.” Inej gestured between them.

“I don’t know. What do you want it to be?”

“Like—girlfriends?” She tested the word out on her tongue. It felt odd and unfamiliar to Inej, but also… weirdly wonderful. “I don’t know, I’ve never dated a girl before, I’m sorry.” She didn’t know if she’d ever liked a girl before, either, but now that she thought about it, maybe she just wasn’t aware of it the whole time.

“I have,” Nina said, and they both giggled.

“Yes, I _know_ you have.”

“It was just messing around, though. I didn’t really know her that well, I think I was just desperate,” Nina admitted. “Usually most of the girls I like… they’re straight. I kind of just wanted to feel like I could date one for once.”

That sounded horribly sad to Inej. She reached out from her side on the bed to lay a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Well, I’m—” She paused. “Wait, what does that make me, then?”

Nina’s smile returned, and it made Inej feel all warm inside all over again. “Well, you like guys, right?”

“Yes.” Inej was sure of that; she’d known that at least her whole life.

“And… you like girls?” Nina made a mocking gesture to herself as some sort of example, making Inej giggle again.

“Yes,” Inej answered, her cheeks flushed. “I think.” She knew she definitely liked Nina. And maybe… she wouldn’t be opposed to dating other girls, too. If they were anything like Nina, then of course.

“Then you might be bi. Or pan, or whatever, I don’t want to get into that whole mess. But you’re definitely not straight.”

“Bi, huh,” Inej said, testing that on her tongue too. It used to be difficult for her to understand why people wanted to use so many labels for themselves. But this… maybe now she could kind of understand why. It made sense, to call herself bisexual. Someone that liked more than just boys.

“Like me!” Nina’s smile was radiant.

“Yeah!” Now that she thought about it, it felt ridiculous that it hadn’t even occurred to Inej before. She’d spent so much time around Nina and Jesper, two people who made it practically impossible to forget who they were. And yet, it still took her this long. But the realization made Inej almost euphoric.

“So… you’re okay with that, then? With being girlfriends?” Nina asked hesitantly. “I don’t want to force you into something if you’re not ready. I mean, I knew immediately when I was bi. But it’s different for everyone. I understand if you need time to figure it out.”

“No, no, definitely,” Inej reassured her. It had taken her a long time to realize it, but she wanted this more than anything. “I think I was just unaware for so long… you know, the heteronormativity.” She smiled.

“Yes, heteronormativity!” Nina exclaimed, placing a hand on her heart. “You’re learning so fast. I’m so proud of you.”

They laughed again, and somehow the confirmation made Inej feel like she was finally releasing something from inside herself. It felt almost cleansing, knowing finally what all of this was. What it was going to be.

Soon their laughter all fizzled out, leaving Inej feeling almost calm, in a way. All of the anxiety she’d been carrying with her that day seemed to just melt away. She felt like she could lie here forever, right next to Nina.

They’d ended up both on their sides, Nina’s fingers tracing Inej’s palm as they whispered together softly. Inej had no idea what time it was, how long it had been.

And then, from Nina: “Can I kiss you?”

It was a tentative question, respectful. Inej’s heart leapt into her throat.

“Sure,” she whispered.

Nina leaned in, slowly, giving Inej time to change her mind, but she didn’t.

She kissed her once, softly, just the barest touch on her lips. “Is that okay?” Nina whispered. She looked terrified, as if Inej wouldn’t like it, that she would suddenly change her mind and actually didn’t like girls at all.

“Yes, of course.”

Inej had never kissed anyone. She’d dated before, but that relationship had been odd and barely intimate and hadn’t worked out at all. 

This was like nothing she’d ever imagined.

Nervously, Inej leaned in to return the kiss, and Nina closed the gap. She felt her friend’s—no, her _girlfriend’s_ hand around her body to pull her in closer. Inej’s heart felt like she’d been running a marathon.

This was okay. This was definitely okay for Inej, and she couldn’t be happier with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the record after i wrote The KissTM i couldn't bring myself to read it again because it was too embarrassing and i literally told my betas not to make edits on it so i didn't have to look at it (alex still made an edit. i practically had to close my eyes)  
> the song is "looking out for you" by joy again! literally one of my favorite songs a BOP A BOP


	11. somebody to love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that you know i would literally die for jesper fahey

Wylan didn’t murder Jesper in his sleep. Which was good.

Jesper didn’t know why he was doing this, to be honest. Nina was probably right about the fact that picking up a random hitchhiker off the side of the road was _not_ a good idea, and letting him stay with them was an even worse idea, but… for some reason, Jesper couldn’t bring himself to leave him behind.

Obviously, something awful had happened that led him to get all beat up and in need of rides from groups of teenagers. Jesper tried asking, but Wylan kept avoiding his questions so he’d eventually just dropped the subject entirely. 

Annoying Wylan helped Jesper keep his mind off his argument with Nina. Maybe he’d never admit it, but what she said hurt. Sometimes she made fun of things he couldn’t control, and though usually it was just in good fun, sometimes it felt like it was out of frustration.

Jesper didn’t like making people angry. He certainly didn’t like escalating situations. So usually, he just laughed it off. It was funny, yes, all of the things he did to cope! All of the decisions he made were certainly bad ones! Hilarious!

Wylan was aware of what happened, too; Jesper could see it, but thankfully he didn’t say anything, so Jesper was free to poke fun at him and make him blush and forget all of this ever happened. He was afraid staying alone with him would be boring, and awkward, but Jesper ended up having the time of his life driving Wylan insane.

He did lend him his own clothes, though, because Wylan’s current ones were obviously not wearable and he didn’t seem to have anything else to change into. Jesper thought it was funny to see him try to fit into a shirt that was much too big for him.

The next morning, Jesper didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to face Nina and have to figure out… whatever was going to happen next. But Wylan, somehow, dragged him out of bed, and once they made their way outside, Nina and Inej were already waiting for them.

Honestly, this was even more awkward than spending the night with Wylan. Jesper and Nina stood there silently for a moment, avoiding eye contact.

Inej looked at Nina _meaningfully,_ and Jesper knew they’d talked. He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or irritated that Nina had to be encouraged into talking to him.

“Um,” Nina said, visibly _very_ uncomfortable, “you can drive. I’m sorry… about yesterday.”

“Thank _God,_ ” Jesper sighed. “I was afraid you were going to have to handle the music! Because I’ve had _Teen Beach Movie_ stuck in my head since last night. Wylan, have you seen that?”

“Please don’t blast ‘Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’’ for the millionth time, Jesper,” Nina groaned as they headed over to the car, but she was smiling again.

“I am going to blast ‘Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’’ for the millionth time,” Jesper said, a huge grin spreading across his face as he started up the car. He couldn’t stay upset at her. She was _Nina,_ after all.

“I haven’t, actually,” Wylan mumbled.

“Haven’t what? Seen _Teen Beach Movie?”_ Jesper asked. “Are you kidding me?”

“Okay, now we have to show it to him,” Nina decided, which made Wylan glance at her in shock. Jesper had to admit he was surprised, too. He thought Nina would never come around.

“I’m glad you’ve found something to agree on?” Inej said.

“Hell yeah,” Jesper said. “ _Teen Beach Movie_ is the best.”

\---

“Okay, so where is your school?” Jesper asked, once they were back on the road.

“Henrietta,” Wylan said, obviously uncomfortable with sharing this information. For someone who was deemed suspicious by Nina, he sure wasn’t helping his case much by being so secretive. Though, Jesper was sure it was probably a touchy subject. They’d just drop him off, and then this mess would all be over.

He was going to miss him, though.

“Oh, hey, that’s my hometown,” Nina said in an odd voice.

“Hey, cool! Then we can drop Wylan off at his school, and then Nina can do…” Jesper glanced back uncertainly at his friend. “...whatever she wants to do.”

“We don’t have to stick around,” Jesper heard Inej whisper to Nina. He wondered if they’d talked about this, too. Again, he didn’t know whether to feel irritated or jealous or whatever. It was Nina’s thing, of course, and he knew it made her uncomfortable to talk about, but… he was her friend, too. Though, he was pretty sure Nina and Inej were probably dating now, so maybe that was a girlfriends thing.

This was all so shitty.

“So what’s the school called? I can pull up directions,” Jesper said, reaching for his phone.

Wylan looked uncomfortable. “It’s fine, I can find it on my own.”

“You sure?” Jesper knew Wylan didn’t want to disclose much about himself, but this was becoming more of an inconvenience for him. What did he think he was going to do, stalk him? They weren’t going to be sticking around for very long.

“Yes,” he said, adamant.

Well, okay. If he wanted to be that way.

\---

It was evening when they finally reached Henrietta. Jesper didn’t know how to feel when he saw the welcome sign. The surroundings were unfamiliar to him, but something about the small town was somehow comforting. Maybe it was just the knowledge that this was where Nina grew up. From the little he’d heard about it, it didn’t seem like a nice place. Did she feel the same when she saw it?

“Okay, just…” Jesper pulled over next to a pizza shop with a sign out front that read “Best iced tea in town!” He didn’t know how true that was. “Do you want me to stop here, then? Are you sure you don’t want me to just take you to the school?”

“No, it’s fine,” Wylan said, awkwardly unbuckling his seat belt. He looked horribly unprepared to leave just then, hand enclosed around his bag that they’d searched, still wearing the baggy clothing that Jesper had lent him. Or given him, now. He knew he wouldn’t be getting those clothes back. Not that he minded. “You’ve done more than enough for me. I can find it from here.”

“Do you even know where it is?” Jesper asked, more out of concern than irritation.

“Well, no, but…” Wylan glanced down uneasily, then back at Jesper with more certainty. “I’ll find it. I swear.”

“Okay,” Jesper said quietly. “Then… bye, Wylan.”

“Bye, Wylan,” Inej said from the backseat.

“Bye, Wylan,” Nina echoed.

“Good luck,” Jesper said lamely.

“I’ll try. Um. Thank you,” Wylan said, a bit of pink coming to his cheeks, “for everything.” Then he opened the door and left.

Jesper watched him go, his ginger curls bouncing. Wylan obviously had no idea where he was going, but he looked back at them once before turning a corner and disappearing.

Jesper sighed and sank into his seat. He didn’t know why he felt so rotten.

“Okay,” he said finally, after a moment. He glanced back at the girls. The car suddenly felt so empty. “What do you guys want to do now?”

“Can we just rest?” Nina asked softly.

“Sure,” Jesper responded. He didn’t care what they did. “Want to get some pizza? Apparently they have the best iced tea in town,” he said, gesturing to the shop in front of them.

Nina gave a little smile. “They do. And that sounds great.”

\---

The pizza turned out to be decent. The iced tea was fantastic for some odd reason that was beyond them. Their server looked like she hated her job. Jesper felt for her.

Nina kept up with the conversation and tried to joke around with Jesper the best she could, but he could tell something was off. He supposed he didn’t blame her. This place probably brought up a lot of memories for her, bad or good. 

As they headed back to the car, Jesper asked, “Are you sure you want to stay here?”

Inej gave her a concerned look. Surely Nina knew they’d be okay with whatever she decided. They were here for her, anyways. Even if she wouldn’t admit it.

“Yes,” Nina said adamantly. “There’s one more thing I want to do.”

Still, even as they got settled into the place they were staying for the night, Jesper felt antsy. Too many things were whirling around in his head; he kept replaying his conversations with Wylan over and over again, thinking about what he could have said better. He felt like he’d left too soon. Like there was more Jesper could have done for him.

Something else was pissing him off, too. Jesper didn’t give a shit about being the third wheel, he really didn’t, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Nina still didn’t trust him enough to tell him about her childhood. It was her thing, and she got to decide who she told, he _knew_ that _,_ but it just hurt to see her trust Inej over him. They’d known each other the same amount of time. He was still her _friend._

Though yesterday obviously proved that maybe they weren’t as good friends as he’d thought.

God. This was going to bother him all night, wasn’t it.

He didn’t know what Nina had against him. It hurt him to think that maybe she didn’t like him, that they were drifting apart, that maybe she would just hang out with Inej and leave stupid, annoying Jesper behind.

The reasonable part of him said that he was just being stupid, that of course Nina thought of him as a friend. But he was growing more and more sure by the day that maybe Nina saw him as more of a nuisance than anything else.

_She did apologize, though._

Yeah, because Inej told her to.

At least Inej still cared about him, Jesper knew for sure. She would never leave him behind. But still. She was dating Nina now. Anything could happen.

They watched TV for about an hour just to relieve some of the tension, but it didn’t seem to help much. None of them seemed to care about whatever cooking show was on. Inej seemed to be trying to reassure Nina in hushed tones. Jesper knew he probably wasn’t supposed to add much to that conversation.

Nina and Inej grew tired eventually, but even as they’d turned out the lights Jesper was wide awake. Insomnia wasn’t new to him, but it was especially apparent due to recent events. He just couldn’t keep his mind from whirling, dwelling on everything his friends had ever said to him.

He didn’t know how much time had passed as he was sitting in the dark. Once, around the time when Jesper’s sleeping problems were at their worst, his father had told him that even when he thought he wasn’t sleeping, he actually was, just dreaming about not sleeping. Though he wouldn’t be surprised if that was just a lie to get him to worry less about not getting to sleep.

“ _Is anyone still awake?_ ” he whispered loudly, just for the fun of it.

No response.

“Nina. Nina. _Hey_.”

“No,” Nina groaned.

Jesper fumbled for his phone on the nightstand. “Hey, it’s tomorrow now.”

“Are you having trouble sleeping, Jesper?” Inej asked in the dark, concerned.

They were no fun. Last night, this had worked wonders on Wylan. They’d stayed up talking about random things until the both of them had fallen asleep mid-conversation.

“No,” Jesper lied, sliding out of bed. He wasn’t at all tired. He grabbed his coat, heading for the door. “I’m just gonna go and get some fresh air.”

“Okay,” Inej said. “Stay safe.”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song is "somebody to love" by queen! for my son jesper :)


	12. wait and see, i'll be making my own way now

So maybe this was going to be harder than Wylan had thought.

He’d asked the first person he’d seen for directions once he left Jesper and his friends. Wylan wasn’t fantastic at talking to people, certainly not to complete strangers, but he’d thought that after spending a day in a car with complete strangers, surely asking someone for directions wouldn’t be so bad.

They hadn’t known where his school was. Which, okay, maybe it was just lesser-known around here. But he’d thought this was a small town. Strange that they’d never even heard of it.

So he worked up the courage to ask another person. And another. And another.

Nothing.

Someone had directed him to the local public school, which Wylan reluctantly made his way to for any possibility of a lead. Still nothing. Nina had been right about his school starting early; it was completely deserted.

_ It’s okay,  _ he tried to tell himself after maybe the fifth person he’d asked now. He was getting better at talking to strangers, at least.  _ Maybe it’s just… not well known. _

_ Maybe I’m in the wrong place.  _

The thought of having to get into yet  _ another  _ stranger’s car terrified Wylan. He was running out of time; he should have arrived a long time ago, and everything would have been figured out, everything would have been fine. And this time, he didn’t know where he was supposed to go. How could he get the town name wrong? It hadn’t even occurred to him that he could have messed this all up, that it could have been this hard.

_ You could have avoided this, though. _

If he hadn’t jumped out of that car. If he hadn’t hitched a ride with three random teenagers. But no, if he had stayed, he would have been killed, he was sure; those men couldn’t be trusted. He had to let himself believe that, at least. He couldn’t even imagine the sort of punishment that he’d receive from his father if he’d just run away from his drivers for absolutely no reason.

The school was just… hard to find. Small. Not well-known. That had to be the reason. What had Papa said…  _ You probably won’t find much about it on the internet. _

Scrambling for his phone, Wylan pulled up his web browser. Won’t find much, but surely  _ something. _

He spoke the name into the microphone. Words Wylan couldn’t understand popped up after a few moments; the service here wasn’t fantastic.

His phone read off similar results: Aopsa Academy, the Ailey School, Armona Union Academy… nothing,  _ nothing. _

“No,” Wylan huffed. “No. Schools in Henrietta, Virginia,” he commanded.

Mountain View High. The school Wylan was standing in front of right now.

“Dammit,” Wylan swore. He turned his head to look at the school he was standing in front of; surely this wasn’t the one? His father had made it explicitly clear that Wylan was not to attend a public school. It didn’t have the same name. And it wasn’t open.

But if his school wasn’t in Henrietta, and it wasn’t on the internet, or anywhere, according to all of his sources, then where was it? 

Unless.

_ Unless it doesn’t exist. _

Wylan felt an icy sweat break out over his body. That couldn’t be true. It had to be real. He couldn’t have traveled miles just to find out that his school wasn’t real.

But the more he thought about, the more it made  _ sense.  _ The way that none of the locals knew what he was talking about. How his father had told him that he “wouldn’t find much about it” on the internet, so he wouldn’t go looking it up.

_ Why would he lie to me, though? _

His father wasn’t one to lie to him unless he had a reason. Or if he was threatening him, or playing some cruel joke on him. It was for his own good, Papa always said. Or that he should just be less sensitive. But Van Eck wouldn’t go through the trouble of hiring people to drive him just so he could play with Wylan. That wasn’t like him. And then what was he supposed to do next? Sit there until someone came to say, hey, it was all a lie, you’re never going to get to go to school, you can just go home now?

No one was there. No one was there to tell him it was all just a sick joke. How he wished it was.

Was he supposed to die?

Wylan felt the ground begin to sway beneath him. Did his father hire those men to kill him on purpose? It hadn’t even occurred to him that it could have been his father’s doing; he’d just thought they would jump at the chance of kidnapping some rich man’s son or something, he didn’t know…

But Papa wouldn’t do that, he loved him, Wylan knew he did. 

Maybe only when he was his ideal son.

_ He knew all along. _

Because of course he did. Jan Van Eck wasn’t stupid; he must have known there was a reason for Wylan’s miraculous recovery from his inability to read. Maybe he’d never believed him. Maybe he’d always known that he had a moron for a son, someone who could never figure out how to read and had to take shortcuts instead.

The realization made Wylan feel dizzy. He needed to sit down.

He was supposed to be  _ dead.  _ His father  _ wanted  _ him dead.

What was he supposed to do now, then? There was nowhere for him to go. No one was going to come and tell him this was all a cruel joke, and no one was there to come take him away from this place. He’d left them.

Eventually, when Wylan had given himself time to breathe, he’d just started walking. He had no idea where he was going to go; he had hardly any money, and no one to help him. He didn’t know how long it had been, or how long he’d been walking aimlessly through the streets, probably looking like some sort of sick person, but the sun had gone down and he was terrified of what might happen if he stopped.

Then, just before he turned a corner, he glimpsed something.

Or someone.

A man, leaning against the side of a building across the street, and with a horrible pang, Wylan recognized him immediately. It was one of the men who had tried to kill him.

_ How did they get here? _

How were they still looking for him?

Wylan felt sick. He didn’t think his day could get any worse. Careful not to let the man see him, Wylan tried to make as much distance between them as he could. This was horrible. Wylan was going to die.

And then—

“Wylan?”

Wylan hated the way his heart leapt at the sound of that voice. It wasn’t real, he was hallucinating, there was no way.

“Jesper… hi.”

Jesper was alone, hands in his coat pockets, that strange concerned expression he saved only for him written across his face. “What are you doing here? Did you find your school okay?”

Wylan shifted uncomfortably. “Um… things didn’t really work out,” he mumbled.

“Really? Is everything okay?” Jesper took a step towards him, and Wylan didn’t know how to react. This was just like that first time, when Jesper, all jokes and confidence, had stopped the car and insisted he help Wylan. 

“Yeah. No. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s happening,” Wylan sputtered. “I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

“Whoa. Hey, it’s okay,” Jesper reassured him, resting a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Here, do you want to come inside? It’s freezing out here.” He guided Wylan into some sort of lobby, and immediately he felt a little better with the sudden warmth.

“What are you doing here?” Wylan asked, remembering. “I thought you guys left.”

Jesper scoffed. “Trust me, I have no idea. Nina insisted we stay. I just went out for a little walk.”

“In the middle of the night?”

Jesper raised an eyebrow. “ _ You  _ were wandering around in the middle of the night.”

Wylan couldn’t argue with that. “Why  _ are  _ you guys here in Virginia, anyways?”

Jesper thought for a moment. “You know, I really don’t know anymore. It was supposed to be because of Waffle House. Ironically, of course. I guess just for fun? Nina used to live here.” He seemed to only now remember what they were supposed to be doing. “Anyway, that’s not important. What happened with your school? Do I need to drive you anywhere?”

Wylan’s cheeks flushed. “No, you… I don’t know. My school doesn’t exist, apparently.”

“Doesn’t exist? What do you mean?”

“It’s—a long story. I was lied to. The school never existed, and now I… don’t really know where to go,” Wylan admitted.

“Do you… want to stay with us?” Jesper asked. “Nina doesn’t hate you anymore. If we explained the situation, I’m sure it would be okay.”

Wylan’s stomach twisted with guilt. Jesper and his friends had done more than enough for him. This was too much to even think of asking. “I can’t, I… you don’t even know where I need to go. What would you do with me? You guys have already taken me here; you don’t need to take me anywhere else.”

Jesper gave him a small smile. “We’ll just figure it out. I don’t even know what we’re doing, either. It doesn’t have to be permanent, just until we can find a way for you to handle things on your own.”

Wylan hated this. He hated having to feel like he wasn’t independent, that he was just a child again who needed help with everything because he obviously wasn’t capable.

But this, somehow, made sense. He really didn’t know what he was going to do next; for just a moment he’d almost accepted that he was going to be killed. Riding with Jesper would help him put more distance between him and those men, too; they wouldn’t ever suspect he was hanging out with these kids. And he supposed… maybe Jesper and Nina and Inej weren’t so bad. Maybe they were wonderful.

Maybe they were the few people who actually cared about him, for once.

“Okay,” he said softly.

“Okay, great,” Jesper said, relieved. “Because I was starting to miss you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter is "bambi" by hippo campus!! my friend finn recommended to me after reading soc and he was like "it makes me think of wylan" and yeah it does i love hippo campus so much


	13. heat waves been faking me out (can't make you happier now)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhgggggg some people are going to HATE me after this chapter  
> TRIGGER WARNING FOR HOMOPHOBIA! there is an implication of a slur said but i don't write it. if you'd like to skip the homophobic part it is between the ---, i'll post a little recap at the end

The day started alright enough. Nina let herself sleep in, spent a few lazy minutes in bed, dreading getting up as she began to remember everything from last night.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Inej, still asleep on the pullout couch beside her.

The second thing she saw was Wylan, curled up in a chair in the corner of the room.

“What,” she said, loud enough to possibly wake someone (which was the desired effect), “is  _ he  _ doing here?”

Jesper was awake almost immediately, bleary-eyed from lack of sleep (and maybe stress). “Wait, wait, it’s just Wylan, it’s fine,” he sputtered, stumbling out of bed to keep Nina from waking him up. “Please be quiet. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know last night. I wanted to let you rest.”

“Why is he still here?” Nina hissed.

“It’s a long story,” Jesper explained. “Apparently he was tricked and his school doesn’t exist or something. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go, Nina… please.”

Nina sighed. He was looking at her with such genuine appeal that she couldn’t say no; he was  _ Jesper _ , after all. “Okay, fine. But what are  _ we  _ supposed to do with him? We can’t just take him home.”

Jesper shifted uncomfortably.

“Jesper. You  _ did  _ think of something.”

“I don’t know!” he hissed. “I just thought, you know, we could just figure it out.”

“So you’re procrastinating.”

“ _ No _ —I—okay, yes,” he admitted. “But what was I supposed to do? Just leave him there?”

He made a good point. And as much as Nina hated to admit it, she did care for Wylan. She knew what it was like to not feel wanted. “Fine. Fine. But we’re not taking him home.”

“Thank you,” Jesper sighed.

Inej and Wylan woke shortly after their little argument. 

“Oh, Wylan,” Inej said softly, when she saw that he was awake. “I didn’t know you came back. Did you find your school okay?”

This was obviously something Wylan did not want to wake up to. “Well… no, not really.”

Inej’s eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Inej turned to look at Jesper. “He’s staying with us, then?” It wasn’t phrased as a question.

“Yes,” Jesper and Nina said at the same time.

“Great,” Inej said, giving a small smile to Wylan before looking at Nina. “So what are we doing today?”

\---

Nina drove this time. There wasn’t any negotiation, she just got in the driver’s seat and let everyone else sort it out. Inej sat in the passenger seat next to her, and Wylan and Jesper piled in the back.

“This is so weird,” Jesper complained.

“Too bad,” Nina said. He wouldn’t know the way there.

The drive was painful in itself. There was something so… odd about seeing her hometown again. She passed familiar trees, houses, shops she used to walk by every day on the way to school.

When they finally stopped, Nina was terrified of what would ensue.

_ He said he would be here. _

“What are we doing here?” Jesper asked, and Inej looked at Nina with uncertainty.

“Just stopping by to see a friend,” Nina replied, moving to get out of the car. “I’ll be real quick. You don’t have to come and meet him if you don’t want to.”

Inej rested a hand on her shoulder. “We do,” she said softly, as if sensing her nervousness. “We’ll be there with you.”

“Also, it’ll be crazy hot in here,” Jesper added, and Wylan was nodding, looking like he didn’t want to be left alone anywhere. “We’ll come with.”

They followed her up the steps to her friend’s new apartment. Nina had forgotten he was 18 and therefore a year older than her; he would have aged out of foster care by now. 

Nina’s heart was beating so fast she swore everyone could hear it. It had been three years since she’d last seen her best friend. Had he changed? Did he even want anything to do with her anymore?

She took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Footsteps sounded from inside; Nina felt she would die from the anticipation.

The door swung open.

“Nina?”

“Matthias!” And then they were laughing and she was in his arms, his embrace warm and secure.

“I didn’t know you were here in Henrietta!” Matthias’s shocked face was priceless. Honestly, the entire drive was worth just his reaction. He’d grown his hair out again, its golden locks just brushing his shoulders. When Nina had last seen him, he’d shaved his head out of impulse. It was ugly. She liked his old long hair.

“I wanted to surprise you,” she said, smirking. 

“You definitely did. How is California?” His tone was pleasant at first, but then his face turned sour. “Are those… women treating you alright?”

It took Nina a moment to realize what he was talking about. “Oh, Genya and Alina? They’re great! I’m really happy with them, actually,” she said, smiling, before realizing where she was. Jesper and Inej and Wylan were still standing behind her. “Oh! Right, these are my friends, by the way,” she said, moving out of the doorway to gesture to them.

She couldn’t quite register the expression on Matthias’s face. “From California?”

Nina didn’t want to explain the Wylan situation to him, so she just said, “Yeah, pretty much.” She quickly pointed at each of her friends. “That’s Jesper, and Wylan, and… Inej! Guys, this is Matthias.”

Wylan gave a shy little wave. Jesper grinned and reached out to politely shake his hand. “Hey. Nice to meet you.”

Inej shook his hand after Jesper. “Nice to meet you as well,” she said politely. “Nina’s told me about you.”

“She has?” Matthias turned to look at Nina, and she immediately looked away, embarrassed. Jesper looked surprised, too. Was he jealous?

“Yes, well…” Shit, this was awkward. “Inej’s my girlfriend,” Nina explained.

There was a pause as Nina successfully made the moment even more awkward. Wylan’s expression spoke volumes of  _ Oh, so that’s what that was about. _

“Sorry, your  _ what? _ ” Matthias asked.

_ Oh no.  _ “My—my girlfriend,” Nina sputtered, that feeling of helplessness from all those years ago suddenly flooding back to her. “We’re dating. Matthias, you know I’m bi.” She had to make him see. He would come around, he had before.

Matthias scoffed. “Of  _ course  _ she’s your girlfriend. I never trusted those two lesbians. I bet they’re the ones responsible for making you a—” And then he said a word that Nina could not repeat, something ugly and horrible that made her flinch on reflex.

“Genya and Alina had nothing to do with this!” Nina spat, suddenly feeling a wave of love for them as she jumped to defend her foster mothers. They didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. “Matthias, you know this. We  _ talked  _ about this. I’m bisexual, remember?”

“I didn’t think you’d actually date another girl,” Matthias grumbled. “I thought you still liked guys.”

“That is  _ not  _ how it works, and you know it,” Nina hissed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Matthias was supposed to be accepting of her now. She had hoped he would be proud of how far she had come.

She turned to take a wild glance at her friends, horrified at what they were witnessing. Wylan was looking down at the ground, flinching at their raised voices. Jesper looked stricken. Inej’s eyes were wide with fear and concern for her girlfriend. To think she had kissed her just the other night, and now things were ending up like this.

Then Inej took a step forward. Matthias turned his head to glare daggers at her, but surprisingly, she didn’t back down.

“Don’t you dare say that about my girlfriend,” she whispered, her tone icy enough to freeze over hell.

Jesper nodded. “I thought you were supposed to be friends,” he pointed out, his eyebrows raised in a threat.

Matthias scoffed. “I’m not friends with people like you.” And then he turned and slammed the door, just brushing Nina’s cheek before she could leap out of the way.

“He doesn’t mean that, he just—” Nina fumbled to open the door, but Matthias was holding it shut. “Dammit!” He’d cool down, surely, then he’d come back and apologize… Nina just didn’t think this would happen in front of her friends.

Jesper and Inej came up to flank her on sides, comforting hands on her shoulders. Nina rested her head up against the door and didn’t even try to repress the tears that were coming out of her. In the entire three years that she had known them, she had never cried in front of her friends before. It made her feel ashamed, but she knew there was no use in trying to stop them now.

“Come on,” Inej whispered, wrapping an arm around her waist to help her up. “Let’s get out of here.”

Defeated, Nina staggered down the steps with her friends trailing behind or next to her, supporting hands on all sides. This felt pathetic. She didn’t want them to see Matthias like this, to see her like this, but there was nothing she could do.

She had thought she could convince him. Matthias was stubborn, he was mean, he was grumpy, but he always seemed to come around, no matter how awful he could be. Out of all of the hardships they’d faced, this was the one they couldn’t get past? 

They had been like this for so long. Matthias and Nina, childhood friends. Matthias and Nina, foster children. Matthias and Nina, together despite the things that separated them.

Nina made no complaint as she and Inej piled in the backseat, silently letting Jesper take the driver’s seat once again. She was in no shape to drive.

But the more she thought about this, maybe it was never meant to work out. Nina had always strived to please Matthias, make him happy when he was irritated. She was always too passionate, too annoying, too confident. Nina had always thought the problem lay with her, toning down her energy when she was around him. But maybe it was with him.

When Matthias “came around” in their arguments, it usually wasn’t of his own accord. Usually it consisted of Nina begging him to be better, or him ghosting her for a few days until she pleaded with him to talk to him again, or Nina making her own changes. So many compromises.

Going back to Virginia suddenly wasn’t so fun anymore.

“So,” Jesper said tentatively, once Nina’s tears had somewhat subsided and she was just hiccuping awkwardly. “What do you want to do now?”

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Inej assured Nina, resting a hand on hers, and suddenly Nina felt like crying all over again. She was so, so grateful for Inej.

“Can we go to Waffle House?” she asked.

There was nothing else good about this horrible state.

Jesper smiled at her sadly, and immediately Nina decided she loved him too. She couldn’t believe she had been mad at him—been mad at any of them, for that matter. It all felt so irrelevant now.

“Of course.”

\---

Nina didn’t even have to direct Jesper to the Henrietta Waffle House. He’d just pulled out his phone and found the directions without a word.

God, Nina loved him so much.

Nina still felt like she could start crying all over again at any hint of conflict, but her friends thankfully didn’t mention any of it as they made their way to Waffle House. Inej kept her fingers laced in hers.

God, Nina loved them so much.

Nina felt another wave of nostalgia hit her as they went inside. She hadn’t realized how long it had actually been. How did California not have these?

“Okay,” Jesper said as they piled into a booth. He whipped out a menu like this was some extremely important occasion. Which it was. “Nina, you’ve been here before. What do you recommend?”

Nina gave a small smile. She remembered coming here, sometimes during the day, sometimes at 3AM, goofing around with Matthias and ordering exorbitant amounts of food.

“The chocolate chip waffles,” she replied. Lots of sugar was always the way to go. She loved to drown her waffles in syrup. “Their hashbrowns are really good, too.”

“I’ve… been here too,” Wylan mumbled.

“Really! What do you get?” Jesper asked.

“Just regular waffles. I don’t like too much sugar.”

“That is so boring. I at least put fruit on mine.” Jesper peered at the menu, thinking hard. “I’m gonna get that big combo. The all-star whatever. I want everything.”

They each made their orders, Nina getting her usual chocolate chip waffles. Inej wanted to try the pecan ones.

They were here. They were finally here. Nina felt nostalgic, Jesper was making his usual jokes, Inej was holding her hand. So why didn’t things feel quite right? They’d driven all the way here.

She had to take in everything. She knew she wouldn’t be back here for a while. But it was hard to savor the moment when the moment felt incredibly shitty.

They sat in silence as they waited for their food. Jesper drummed his fingers on the table; Wylan played with one of the napkins; Inej rested her head on Nina’s shoulder. There was really nothing left to talk about now that they were here, and had ordered, and done all of that nostalgic shit for Nina. And as much as everyone kept shooting Nina concerned glances, none of them addressed the elephant in the room. 

Nina had thought about going back to Virginia the moment she’d taken that last look at her hometown before heading to California. But now that she was here, it didn’t seem as wonderful as she had made it out to be. Why had she ever thought  _ this  _ was better than Jesper and Inej and Genya and Alina? She didn’t even have a family here, besides Matthias. Some family he was.

She thought about when she’d defended Genya and Alina to Matthias back there. How quickly she had jumped to defend them. Nina had always thought of her foster mothers as rich, naive; kind, but always crossing boundaries. 

They loved her so much. They never hesitated to let her know that, whether it was through gifts, or finding out what she loved and most despised, or inviting her to do things with them. Genya and Alina spoiled her to death when she really didn’t need it, but in the end they were always willing to give her the space she needed.

For the first time, she missed them. She couldn’t believe they had ever irritated her. Nina had the sudden urge to drive all the way home and give them both the biggest hugs.

And Inej, and Jesper, too. They’d stuck with her through everything, through all of this. Jesper had driven them all the way across the country just so Nina could relive her Virginia fantasy and take them to Waffle House. God, she really didn’t deserve him.

Finally Jesper broke the silence. “Okay, seriously, why does this suck? I came here for the memes. Where are they.”

Inej shot him a look. “Jesper.”

“What? This is really sad. Please can we be less sad now? I’m going to implode.”

“You got your memes,” Nina said, just as their food came. “It’ll be better once you try it, I swear.”

She took a bite of her waffle. It tasted like Virginia and chocolate chips. “Nevermind, this fucking sucks.” She shoveled more food in her mouth.

“Why are you still eating it, then?” Wylan asked, looking at her in shock.

“Because it’s  _ food,  _ I don’t know.” If she ate enough of it, maybe she would feel less horrible.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jesper said. He was trying everything on his plate at once. “This is great. Wylan, do you want some bacon? Your plain waffle is a crime.”

The table went silent again as the four of them wolfed down their food. The waffle didn’t make anything any better, but Nina could pretend it did.

“So, Wylan,” Inej said between bites of her pecan waffle. Nina was grateful for the sudden subject change. “What happened with your school? I don’t think I quite caught what happened.”

Wylan pushed his food around his plate. Nina stopped for a moment, too. She wanted to hear what this kid had to say, because she didn’t think any of them really understood his whole situation.

“My school doesn’t exist,” he said, and Nina could tell it pained him to say it all over again. “My father… he lied to me.”

“Your father? Why would he lie to you about that?” Inej asked, her expression sympathetic.

“Sounds like a pretty shitty father to me,” Jesper grumbled.

“No! He just wants the best for me,” Wylan protested.

“The best for you? So he made you get all beat up and hitchhike all the way to Henrietta just to find out that your school doesn’t actually exist?” 

“Jesper,” Inej scolded, but Nina could see the beginning of anger in her eyes as well. “Wylan. We just want to know your situation so we can get you the help you need. Has your father… not been treating you well?”

Wylan’s eyes widened. “What? No, no, not at all. He’s not like that. It was just a mistake, and now I’m stuck here.”

“What was the mistake? Did he just somehow forget that your school is fake or did he intentionally send you here to make a fool of yourself?” Jesper spat. Nina had to admit she was surprised. She had thought Jesper was all about not prying into Wylan’s life, but now he wanted to know everything.

Wylan was shrinking in his seat, his face red as cherries. “No, I—I don’t know.” His voice dropped to eerily quiet as his eyes looked wildly around the restaurant, as if he was terrified that someone would overhear. “There were just these… men who were driving me.”

“Wylan? You can tell us, it’s okay,” Inej reassured him.

“They tried to kill me,” Wylan admitted, his voice barely a whisper. He was looking down at his plate, as if ashamed for some reason. “At least I think they did. I don’t know.”

Everyone was silent.

“Wylan, I’m… I’m so sorry,” Inej whispered. She reached out with her other hand to touch Wylan’s.

Jesper’s eyes flashed with anger. “Was it your dad who sent them? Or just them on their own?”

“I don’t know!” Wylan admitted. “I don’t know, but if the school was fake…”

“Then maybe he meant for you to die,” Jesper finished. He looked so horribly conflicted, trying to move closer to Wylan. “God. That’s fucking awful. I’m so sorry, Wylan.”

Nina couldn’t believe she had ever considered leaving this boy behind. This day was really turning out to be the worst for everyone, wasn’t it? “I’m sorry, too,” she mumbled.

“It’s fine,” Wylan mumbled.

“No, it’s really not,” Jesper said. “We’ll find a way to fix this. All of this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RECAP IF YOU SKIPPED THE HOMOPHOBIC PARTS: nina reunites with matthias, she introduces him to her friends and her girlfriend inej and he takes it very badly. he slams the door shut on her and nina has a little realization that maybe she should stop putting in the effort because as much as she loves matthias, he's not going to magically get better for her and accept her for who she is. then they decide to go to waffle house because they don't know what else to do  
> the song for this chapter is "heat waves" for glass animals! a very relatable and good song :,)


	14. you're losing yourself with the life that you are leading, honey

Nobody really knew what to do after that. Eventually, the four of them cleared out of Waffle House. Nina ordered extra waffles to take home despite her various complaints about the quality of the food.

Inej was through with quizzing Wylan, but she could tell there was still a part of the story he hadn’t told. Hearing about that earlier was awful. She couldn’t imagine what he had been through.

And Nina, too. Inej had known about Matthias, but she had never expected that he would be like… that. The way that her girlfriend’s entire demeanor had changed around him, how she turned so helpless and pleading, terrified Inej. She had always seen Nina as one of the most confident, independent people she knew. She never tied her self-worth to whatever someone said to her, never begged for anything.

Likely, Nina didn’t want to talk about it. But it hurt Inej to see her girlfriend turn into a different person around Matthias.

There wasn’t really much for them to do after that. Nina eventually asked to go back to where they were staying, and everyone wordlessly agreed.

Inej turned on a movie for her, Jesper, and Wylan to watch. Nina sat on her bed tapping something on her phone, and the rest of them gave her the space she needed.

Eventually Inej grew tired of sitting there for so long. “I’m gonna get something from the vending machine,” she announced. “You guys can keep watching. Anyone want to come?”

“No way, this is the best part,” Jesper protested. “Can you get me some chips, though?”

“Yeah, of course,” Inej said. “Wylan? Nina?”

Nina gave a wordless shake of her head, not looking up from her phone, but Wylan shrugged. “Sure, I’ll come.”

They walked through the hallway in silence. Inej realized she’d never really had this kind of moment alone with Wylan. Might be a good time for her to get to know him better.

“Okay, what do you want? I’ll pay for it all, don’t worry.”

Wylan shrugged, looking at the selections in the machine nervously. “I’m fine with anything, I guess.”

“Cool—oh, wait, I think my mom’s calling me. I’ll be just a sec.” Inej took a step back out into the hallway, shoving a few dollars into Wylan’s hands. “Hey,” she said softly into the phone.

Wylan craned his neck out to look at her, looking unsure of what to do. “What do you want?” he whispered.

“Yes, we got to Virginia. Everything’s alright. I tried Waffle House! It’s pretty good.” Inej looked back at Wylan. “Read them off to me?”

“Uh…” Wylan’s eyes flicked from the vending machine, then back to her. “There’s uh… chips… and..”

Inej couldn’t follow what he was saying. She exchanged a few more pleasantries with her mother, let her know she was busy, but she was okay, and that she loved her and missed her and they would be home soon. 

“Okay,” Inej said, once she’d hung up. “Sorry about that. I haven’t talked to my mom in a while. Is something wrong?”

Wylan’s face was comically red. He looked like he had done something wrong. “No. No, everything’s fine. Um, what did you want?”

Inej looked at her options for a moment. “Lay’s, I guess. And Jesper probably wants jalape ñ o chips. Do you want me to…”

Because Wylan looked like he wasn’t equipped for this situation for some reason. He gave Inej the money back. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Inej said, unsure as to why he was acting this way. “You good with Lay’s?” He didn’t look like the type to be able to handle spicy things.

“Yeah.” He took the chips from her hesitantly. What was up with him? He always seemed unsure of himself like this whenever they went to get food. Was he just anxious?

Inej thought about how Wylan had acted back at Waffle House, and everywhere else. How uncomfortable he’d seemed when they were discussing the menu.

“Wylan,” she said, pausing before they made their way back to their room, “do you have trouble reading?”

Wylan stiffened. His eyes darted everywhere but at Inej. “No—I—what makes you think that?”

So her hunch was right. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Wylan.” Inej moved to get in front of him, struggling to make eye contact. “I’m not going to judge you. You already saw what happened with Nina. We just want to help you.”

Wylan finally met her eyes with uncertainty. “Please don’t tell the others.”

Inej nodded. “Okay, I won’t.” She got that maybe he was self-conscious, but after telling them the truth about his father, Inej didn’t understand why this was the thing he was most reluctant to reveal.

It took Wylan a moment. Inej started walking back, and she looked at him expectantly as he caught up to her.

“I can’t read,” he said softly.

“Like, at all?” Inej asked, needing more clarification.

Wylan’s brows furrowed slightly in frustration, and he shook his head. “No. Not at all. No matter how hard I try.”

That wasn’t what Inej was expecting. She’d thought he just had a few issues, maybe got some words mixed up, like dyslexia. How did you go through life without being able to read anything?

She wanted to ask more questions, but surely Wylan had exhausted any solution that she came up with by now. 

“What is it like? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s like… I don’t know. Whenever I look at a page, or any cluster of words, it’s too overwhelming for me.” He made little wiggling gestures with his hands. “They move. Even though I know they’re really not. It gives me headaches.”

Inej couldn’t imagine not being able to read, not being able to understand the words on a page. It came so easy to her.

“Do you have dyslexia?” she asked. Though most dyslexics she knew usually were able to read. Usually they got the help they needed.

Wylan looked at her in confusion. “What is that?”

“It’s a learning disability. People with dyslexia have their brains wired differently, so it’s harder for them to do certain things like read.”

Wylan shrugged. “Well, I can’t read at all,” he grumbled.

“Maybe… you just didn’t get the right help,” Inej suggested hesitantly. She wasn’t an expert, but what Wylan was describing sounded a little like dyslexia. Maybe if they didn’t get the proper diagnosis, they ended up like him.

Wylan scoffed. “I got plenty of help. All of my tutors say I’m a moron.”

Inej looked at him sympathetically. “I’m sure you’re not. It looks like reading is just a little harder for you, and they never realized that.”

Wylan kept his eyes on the ground. “I don’t know. My dad wouldn’t want me to have a learning disability,” he said softly.

“Well, unfortunately that’s out of his control,” Inej said, giving him a small smile as she opened the door to their room. “Just think on it. Thank you for telling me, though. Jesper, I got your chips!”

She tossed the bag to him, and Jesper caught it as his face broke out into a smile. “Jalapeño! These are the best, thank you.”

She could have sworn she saw Wylan smile too when he saw the expression on Jesper’s face. 

Maybe he had another secret. Someday Inej hoped she’d learn them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for this chapter is "sunburn" by the living tombstone! yes the five nights at freddy's remix living tombstone. SHUT UP. this song goes so hard and the music video >>>>>>> (if you like motorcycle anime lesbians you should watch it)


	15. good old-fashioned lover boy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they,

Jesper was the first to wake up that morning. Everyone else seemed to be exhausted from the trauma from yesterday, and he certainly didn’t blame them. But out of pure habit, Jesper was still an early riser due to countless early mornings spent running the farm. He didn’t mind it. Honestly, it was harder for him to sleep in late; the latest he could manage was about nine A.M., and even that was pushing it.

Jesper didn’t really know what they were supposed to be doing next—whether they were going home, since they’d pretty much seen everything they’d planned to see (and Jesper was pretty sure Nina didn’t want to meet any more of her old friends), or sticking around a little longer, since they’d driven all the way here anyways, but it was starting to make him feel antsy. If they were going to spend another day sitting on the couch watching movies, he didn’t want any of it.

After an indeterminable amount of time spent pacing quietly back and forth, playing with random items strewn about the room, and checking his phone, Inej woke up next. Jesper didn’t realize it until he looked over at her bed and saw her eyes were open.

Jesper strode over to her. “What are we doing today?” he whispered.

Inej shrugged, then stole a concerned glance over to Nina. “Whatever Nina wants to do.”

God. Why did it always have to be about Nina? He knew, he knew this was her hometown and all, but she wasn’t the only one who agreed to go on this trip.

“Are we like, sightseeing? Getting those good good Virginia experiences we drove all the way here to do? Because I don’t remember there being a plan.”

“We don’t need to have a plan,” Inej said softly.

He supposed not. But Jesper was afraid he would collapse in on himself without any kind of structure or purpose right now. The movie was fun yesterday, but he wouldn’t be able to handle another second of sitting around in this room.

Inej’s eyes traveled over to Wylan’s spot in the room. He was still sleeping in that damned chair. The issue hadn’t even crossed Jesper’s mind yesterday, since Wylan hadn’t complained, but that sleeping situation was supposed to be temporary. He mentally kicked himself for not noticing earlier.

“Why don’t you hang out with Wylan?” she suggested.

“And do what?”

Inej smirked. “Come on. You’re usually great at stuff like this.”

“At wha—” Jesper’s eyes flicked over to Wylan, then back to her. “You mean dating? It’s not  _ like  _ that, Inej.”

Inej looked like she was stifling a laugh. “I didn’t say anything.”

Jesper made a mock pouting expression. He hated when she was like this. “Where would we even go, anyways? I don’t know this town at all.”

Inej looked over her shoulder at Nina again. “Nina does.”

“That’s funny if you think I’m going to wake her up and ask her where to take Wylan on a date.”

“Well…” Inej looked up at the ceiling, tapping her fingers to her chin dramatically like she was thinking very hard about something. “She might have told me about a place…”

“Well? What is it?”

“So impatient,” Inej sighed, and they both snickered softly for a few moments. “Okay, but seriously, she says there’s this nice hiking spot not too far from here.”

“Is there?” Jesper was intrigued. It would be so nice to get outdoors. They could take in the nice scenery, enjoy the fresh air, maybe have a picnic…

“Here’s the directions.” Inej showed him the location on her phone. It really was pretty close.

Jesper made his way over to where Wylan was dozing on his chair, curled up in on himself. He supposed he made it look comfortable, his ginger curls falling over his eyes slightly. He looked so at peace in that moment, Jesper almost didn’t want to disturb him. Wylan always seemed so strung up and anxious; it was good to see him rest for once.

But as adorable as Wylan was, Jesper’s patience was thinning. He lightly prodded his shoulder.

“Hey,” he whispered.

Wylan shifted in his seat, shrinking away from Jesper.

“Wyyylan. Hey.”

“Mmmwhat.”

“Want to get out of here?”

Wylan’s eyes cracked open slightly to glare at him. “And do what.”

“Picnic date in the woods.”

“Picnic…” Wylan was suddenly wide awake. “Wait, what?”

Jesper grinned. “Come on. Let’s go on a hike. Just you and me.”

Wylan glanced back at Nina and Inej. Nina was still dead asleep; Inej was laying on her side looking at her phone. He met Jesper’s eyes, pink tinting his cheeks. “Okay.”

“Cool!” Jesper whisper-shouted. Grabbing Wylan’s arms, he hoisted him out of the chair, strong enough to make him wobble on his feet. “Let’s go.”

\---

Jesper was practically bouncing on his feet when they got to the car. Wylan still looked dazed, like he was about to fall over at any moment. 

“Are you sure Nina won’t be mad about you taking her car?” Wylan asked as he stood hesitantly in the doorway, looking back where they came.

Jesper scoffed, still remembering Nina’s threat from a few days prior. “It’s not even hers. She’ll be fine. I drove us all the way here in it anyways.”

“Okay.” Wylan got in.

Jesper grinned and started up the car, turning on the stereo. Immediately the both of them were thrusted into the middle of “I Want to Break Free” blasting through the speakers, and Jesper started singing merrily. Wylan looked startled.

“Why do you like Queen so much?” Wylan’s voice asked, drowned out by the song as they pulled out into the streets.

“ _ Oh, how I want to be _ —sorry, what?”

“I said, why do you—”

“Oh!” Jesper turned down the radio a little bit, but the song was still playing in his head. “Well, their music is just the best in the world. My mom plays Queen all the time back home. It reminds me of her.” He didn’t know how to explain it, but thinking about Queen just made him feel all warm inside, like he was at once with family. He could talk about them for hours.

Jesper wasn’t looking at Wylan, but he could hear the sad smile in his voice. “That’s really nice.”

“Yeah. And… I’ve always really related to their songs, even if I didn’t know it at first. Especially this one. Freddie Mercury is an icon.”

Wylan listened to the song for a moment as Jesper murmured the lyrics to himself. “What does this one mean?”

“‘I Want to Break Free’? Well, I’ve always interpreted it as, you know ‘breaking free’ from heteronormative society and embracing yourself as LGBT.” Whenever Jesper talked about songs like this, he always felt so immensely proud. He didn’t know if Wylan was really gay or not, but he wasn’t going to be shamed for discussing his interests. Besides, he was the one who asked. “I dunno. The boomer fans can say what they like, but that’s how I’ve always seen this song and it’s really important to me because of that.”

“Huh.” Jesper couldn’t register what Wylan’s tone meant. “I didn’t know that.”

Jesper took his eyes off the road for a moment to grin at Wylan. “Yeah, it’s cool, isn’t it?” At least Wylan didn’t look annoyed; in fact, he was almost smiling back at him. “Plus, have you seen the music video?”

“No.”

Jesper stifled a bit of an excited laugh. Honestly, whenever he talked about ‘I Want to Break Free’, he couldn’t resist mentioning the music video. It used to make him laugh when he was younger, but now it was honestly something that made him genuinely happy. “It’s so awesome. The whole band crossdresses as the women from  _ Coronation Street _ . It was like, super controversial at the time but they still dressed in drag just for the fun of it.”

“That is pretty cool.”

“Right? I love it. I love them.”

They went and grabbed some sandwiches on the way, then drove the rest of the way to the hiking spot.

Jesper inhaled deeply as he stepped out of the car. The fresh air felt so nice out here; he could smell the pine trees surrounding them. He’d always loved the smell of the outdoors, whether he was on the farm, out in the city, or stopping the car in the mountains; it always smelled different no matter where he went.

Inej hadn’t been wrong about this being a nice date spot. Jesper didn’t like dates where he had to be formal or sit still. Stuff like this, where he got to stretch his legs—he loved that.

“Whoa,” Wylan breathed.

Jesper smiled at him. “Nice, isn’t it? Romantic.” He knew that would make Wylan blush, which made Jesper snicker. He got so much thrill out of rattling him like that.

They started out on the trail that was supposed to lead to some picnic benches. Jesper whistled as they walked, a little hop in his step. Seeing as his legs were much longer than Wylan’s, and that Wylan was clearly not used to going out and doing stuff like this, Jesper tried to keep a slower pace. Often he stopped in the middle of the trail to look at a weird bug, or some pretty plants, or a little stream of water that ran along next to it, giving Wylan plenty of opportunity to catch up.

Wylan looked terribly nervous the whole time, and Jesper wasn’t sure if it was the forest or him that was scary, but he tried to keep up a cheery conversation with him to ease his friend’s nerves. Gradually Wylan grew more comfortable, and even began pointing out other interesting things along the trail that Jesper might have missed.

Wylan honestly did pretty good on the hike, for a kid with short legs and little to no obvious hiking experience. No complaints, though he looked pretty exhausted once they finally reached the picnic tables. The trees provided a lot of shade from the sweltering heat of the day, but it was still fairly warm. Maybe one day Jesper could take Wylan on the farm, teach him a little about the outdoors and the animals.

He waved that thought away. Wylan had left before, and he was eventually going to leave again. They couldn’t take him to California with them, even if he did have nowhere else to go; it just wasn’t possible.

“So do we just genuinely have the same tastes, or do you just like to order the same thing as me to try something new?” Jesper asked as he handed Wylan his sandwich. Wylan did this every time they got food, save for that one instance at Waffle House. Jesper was flattered, but also deeply concerned.

Wylan took a bite of his and his eyes widened, his face red as Jesper watched him try to choke down his sandwich.

“There’s jalape ño in that,” Jesper pointed out, trying to be respectful, but he had to admit it was hilarious. “Okay, so apparently we don’t have the same tastes.”

“No, this is great. I love this,” Wylan breathed, blatantly lying. “So hot,” he whispered under his breath.

Well, this would definitely get him used to spicy food, Jesper supposed. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Wylan seemed extremely embarrassed, but Jesper tried to pretend none of it happened for the sake of his friend’s sanity, no matter how hilarious it was.

Finally Wylan seemed tired of the silence. “So,” he began, then swallowed. “Um. Is Nina… alright?”

Jesper shrugged. “Dunno. She was still asleep when we left. I’m assuming she’s just down about everything yesterday.”

Wylan nodded. Jesper supposed yesterday was kind of traumatic for everyone, himself included. It had been terrifying for Jesper to see someone like Matthias so blatantly homophobic to Nina; he’d dealt with those kinds of people before, but it had certainly been a while, since Jesper had long since distanced himself from the Matthiases in his life. He couldn’t imagine Nina having to deal with someone like him on a daily basis. No wonder she didn’t talk about him.

This would hopefully be a good break to keep his mind off of all that. Though Jesper was still on a date with Wylan. Maybe he could convince him to talk more about the situation with his school and everything, so they could find a solution.

_ No. That’s probably the last thing he wants to talk about. _

“Does she ever bother you?” Wylan asked, snapping Jesper out of his thoughts.

“Who?”

“Nina.” Oh. Right.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like.” Wylan looked down at his hands, struggling to convey his thoughts. “I don’t know you guys that well, but—I dunno, she just seems kind of  _ mean  _ to you sometimes.”

Jesper huffed. This was also kind of the last thing he wanted to talk about right now. But then again… Wylan had listened to him rant about Queen. Most people thought he was just annoying when he got excited about his hyperfixations. Maybe he would be more understanding about this, too.

“I mean, I know she’s usually joking,” Jesper admitted. “And it’s not like it’s not funny sometimes. But I don’t know. Sometimes it does hurt.”

Wylan nodded. There was something in his eyes that was so  _ understanding.  _ Maybe it was just affection, but Jesper felt like he could tell him anything.

“Like, sometimes it’s stuff that I can’t control. She gets frustrated when I do things that aren’t… conventional, I guess, and I get it, I know, but it kind of hurts.” Now that Wylan had gotten him on this track, Jesper couldn’t stop. He loved Nina, loved her more than anything, but there had been so many pent up feelings inside of him that he was afraid to convey to her that he just needed to let spill out. “And then when I bring it up to her, she just blows it off like it’s nothing. Like I’m making a big deal about it. Am I making a big deal about it?”

“No,” Wylan said, and Jesper immediately felt relieved. Whenever he got like this, there was always this worry in the back in his mind, telling him that maybe he was just being too sensitive, that it was just a joke, and he should get over it. It was way harsher than Nina, but often it sounded like her.

“And then she was so mad when I wanted to pick  _ you _ up _! _ ” Jesper exclaimed. “Like, I don’t understand why it’s so terrible. I get that she was scared, but she didn’t have to be so mean about it.”  _ Maybe you shouldn’t be driving it if you’re just going to let random kids ride with us.  _ Nina had apologized, but for some reason that particular remark still stung. 

Jesper expected Wylan to look uncomfortable at the mention of him, but he continued listening. 

“I’m sorry. I know I keep going on about this,” Jesper apologized.

“No, it’s fine,” Wylan reassured him. “I know how that feels,” he muttered.

“You do?”

Wylan stiffened. “Well, yeah. My dad… thinks I’m lazy. But I do try. I try really hard. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” he admitted softly.

“God, your dad,” Jesper huffed. “Sorry, I don’t know him, but he sounds like a piece of shit.”

“He means well,” Wylan mumbled.

“‘He means well’? Wylan, he tried to kill you,” Jesper protested, anger boiling in his stomach. He sighed. “Sorry. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it.”

They fell into awkward silence again.

“It’s fine,” Wylan murmured. “But Jesper, I don’t think you’re making a big deal about the… Nina thing.”

“Mm.”

“If it’s really something you can’t control, then it’s not fair of her to make fun of you for something like that. And it’s definitely not fair of her to be mad at you.” Wylan’s eyes were blazing with some kind of newfound anger that Jesper had never seen before. “You shouldn’t feel shamed into not talking about it.”

Well, when he put it that way…

“Thank you,” Jesper mumbled. God, why were his eyes stinging? He didn’t like this. He needed to stop talking. “I dunno, it just… sucks. And please don’t take this the wrong way or see Nina differently. I love her, I really do. She’s honestly so cool.” Really, even talking about this made Jesper feel guilty, because Nina was his  _ friend _ , his very best friend right next to Inej. She was one of his favorite people in the world. Thinking about her bad qualities made Jesper’s heart hurt.

“I know,” Wylan said. “But that doesn’t mean she didn’t treat you badly.”

Jesper didn’t think Wylan would be so  _ good  _ at this. He might as well just spill his entire life story to him.

“You know, then I could say the same about your dad.”

Wylan’s expression practically screamed,  _ When did this become about my dad?  _ but all he said was, “I guess.”

“I’m sorry, I just—why does he hate you so much? What kind of person just… does that?” Jesper couldn’t wrap his head around it. Was he just so fucked up that he wanted to play a cruel prank on his son, or was there something that truly made him want Wylan to die?

Wylan frowned, and the fire in his eyes seemed to burn out. “I don’t think you’d want to know.”

“I think I kind of do.”

Wylan met his eyes with hesitation. “You promise you won’t tell anyone?”

The expression on his face was exactly like the one Jesper had seen days ago, standing in the rain with fear in his eyes. Jesper couldn’t understand what in the world would make Wylan so terrified about telling him. 

“Of course not.” Jesper couldn’t break any promise when Wylan was looking at him like that.

Jesper watched Wylan take a deep breath.

“I can’t read.”

Okay, Jesper was anticipating some kind of really weird secret, but he didn’t expect that.

Wylan could see the question in his eyes, and he must have gone through this before, because he said, “No matter how hard I try. No matter how many tutors. I think I was just born lazy.”

“What?” This was the wildest thing Jesper had ever heard. First of all, at sixteen, how did you live your whole life without being able to read at all? And second of all... Wylan was definitely the least lazy person Jesper had ever met.

“I think Papa gave up on me a long time ago.”

“Are you kidding me? Then he’s an idiot.”

Wylan’s eyes were full of mistrust, and Jesper realized this poor boy had probably never felt smart in his life.

“He’s not an idiot. He just needs to protect his business. Our  _ legacy, _ ” Wylan protested, though Jesper could hear some contempt in that last word. “I’m getting in the way of that.”

Again, Jesper didn’t know this guy, but he sounded like the worst father in the history of fathers. What kind of person valued his business over his own son? A lot of people, apparently. “That’s no excuse. You’re not worth less than whatever his fucking business is.”

“You don’t know what it is.”

“Okay, fine. Then what is it?”

And then Wylan hesitated again. At least now Jesper understood why he was so terrified of spilling his secrets like this; he was made to feel ashamed of everything about himself. 

“It’s, um. Funny, actually; we’ve been there.”

Jesper thought for a moment. “No. No way.”

“Yeah, my dad kinda.. owns Waffle House? It’s our family thing?”

This was simultaneously the funniest and also the most horrifying thing Jesper had ever heard. He almost wanted to laugh, but he didn’t know if that would be appropriate. “So, you’re telling me that we drove  _ all the way from California  _ just to go to Waffle House, and we end up unintentionally picking up its new heir?”

“Not anymore,” Wylan grumbled.

“Oh, no. Don’t tell me it’s like that. Literally, I don’t understand. All you do is inherit it. You don’t have to work or read a day in your life to own Waffle House.”

Wylan glared at him. “That’s not true.”

Jesper raised an eyebrow. “Sure about that? Your daddy inherited it too.”

“He did plenty of work!” Wylan protested. “There’s always some kind of work he has to do.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to do it like him.”

And that made Wylan fall silent.

“I have to, though,” he said softly.

“Or what? You’re ‘slandering the’—what is it, what’s your last name?”

“Van Eck.” 

“‘The Van Eck reputation’?”

Wylan nodded.

“Oh my god. I’m going to vomit.”

Wylan looked confused, almost hurt by what Jesper was saying, and that almost broke his heart more. This was practically brainwashing.

“Look, Wylan,” Jesper said, and he leaned across the picnic table to make actual eye contact with his friend. “You can’t justify this kind of treatment. Your father… literally tried to kill you. To protect his  _ legacy.  _ Good fathers don’t do that. Hell,  _ normal  _ fathers don’t do that.”

Wylan’s eyes flicked away for a half a second, but Jesper could tell he was still listening, even if he didn’t say anything.

“And, I don’t know anything about this whole reading thing, but it seems like your dad didn’t give enough of a shit to care about you. I think you do try. I think you try your very hardest. I don’t think you’re lazy at all,” Jesper promised, and he was entirely truthful about this, no matter how much he wanted to almost laugh at this horribly cruel situation. “I think… you’re smart. Brilliant, actually. Ordering the exact same thing I do? That’s fucking hilarious.”

Wylan’s face scrunched up like he was about to cry, and Jesper could see the flickering in his bright blue eyes, but surprisingly, he didn’t. He just looked down at his demolished sandwich, jalapeños and all. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“No need to thank me. You should know this. It’s a shame your father never told you.”

There was the barest hint of a smile on Wylan’s face. “I think you’re smart too.”

Jesper wanted to scoff, because of course he knew, but hearing it from Wylan was… refreshing. His mother had never hesitated to let him know that he was smart despite his learning differences, even if it was ten times harder for him to succeed in school, and Jesper had learned to give himself the same respect. Still, after hearing all that crap from Nina about how he could never sit still, it felt really, really good to hear that he was smart from someone else.

So Jesper didn’t laugh. He didn’t scoff, he didn’t brush it off, he just said: “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for this chapter is good old-fashioned lover boy by queen!


	16. we have had so much fun (but i want to go home)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes

When Nina woke up, Wylan and Jesper were gone.

The first thing she saw was Inej, sitting on the side of her bed leaning over her phone. When she saw Nina was awake, she walked over and pulled her into a silent embrace.

“Are you alright?” Inej whispered, over Nina’s shoulder.

“Yeah. Where are Jes and Wylan?”

“On a date.”

Nina snickered softly. “Really?”

“Yeah. At that hiking spot you were talking about.”

“Oh, man.” That was one of the only interesting parts of Henrietta. Lots of people went there for the view. Nina had been there a couple times herself; she wasn’t one for hiking, though.

They sat there like that for a few minutes and then ate the leftover waffles from yesterday (they were disgusting; Nina hated wasting food but these obviously weren’t meant to be kept) before sitting and talking about everything but what happened yesterday. Nina felt so down, and she didn’t think she had the energy to handle anything today, but spending time with Inej definitely helped.

Things were going alright, almost better, even, when Jesper and Wylan burst through the door.

“Whaddup, bitches!” Jesper announced, and then his eyes fell on Nina. “Oh, hey. You’re awake.”

“Yeah,” Nina said softly from her spot on the bed where her arms were wrapped around Inej. “How was the date?”

“How did you know?” Wylan muttered from behind Jesper, his face red, but Jesper laughed.

“It was great! Beautiful spot, thank you for the recommendation.” Jesper ran over and hopped onto the bed where Nina and Inej were cuddling. It suddenly felt very crowded. “So whatcha guys doing?”

“Nothing,” Nina said immediately, pulling away from Inej. Wylan’s eyes from in the doorway were wide, and Nina could practically hear him saying,  _ Oh, well, that makes a lot more sense. _

Jesper cackled. “Oh, you don’t have to stop or anything, sorry if I interrupted.” He held his hands out in mock submission, and Wylan looked ashamed to have been with him. “Anyway, so  _ guess  _ who owns—”

“Shh!” Wylan had hurried over to where they all were, his eyes comically huge with terror. “ _ Jesper! _ ” he hissed.

“Who owns what?” Inej asked, a smile tugging her lips.

“Nothing. No one,” Wylan said immediately.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Nina muttered.

Jesper let out a mock sigh. “Okay,  _ fine.  _ But you should tell them eventually, because I think it would be  _ hilarious _ if—” He paused, looking at Nina and Inej, then back at Wylan. “Do they—wait.”

Jesper and Wylan inched away to the corner of the room to whisper for a few moments. Nina exchanged glances with Inej.  _ What went down with them? _

“Oh, she does,” Jesper said, loud enough to be heard among their whispering. “That makes sense.”

Wylan said something inaudible (he was much better at being quiet than Jesper was), and Jesper made a not-so discreet glance at Nina. Like she couldn’t tell they were talking about her.

“Oh. Well, shouldn’t we tell her?”

“Shouldn’t we tell me  _ what? _ ” Nina asked, making her way towards where Wylan and Jesper were conspiring.

Wylan’s face was bright red as he shrunk down behind Jesper. “Um... well..”

Nina could hear Inej from behind her. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Wylan.”

So  _ Inej  _ knew, too? Nina held Wylan’s gaze. “Ashamed of what? Liking pineapple pizza? Being a Trump supporter? Wetting the bed? What is it you’re still not telling me?” She thought they were done with this. She thought she knew enough about Wylan to trust him by now.

Jesper moved in front of Wylan so that she couldn’t stare at him menacingly. “Nina. He doesn’t have to tell you if he doesn’t want to.”

“Oh, but he can tell you and Inej?”

“You don’t get to choose who Wylan wants to trust.  _ Maybe,  _ he was scared of you, because you’re acting like such a huge asshole lately.”

Nina didn’t know this was going to get so personal. “I apologized, alright? Since when did you want Wylan to keep his secrets? I thought a minute ago you said it was  _ funny. _ ”

Wylan was looking at Jesper intently, as if he was silently encouraging Jesper to go on. Inej, too, wasn’t even saying anything, which was the scary thing; she almost always tried to keep things from escalating further. For some reason this made Nina even angrier.

Jesper scoffed. “I just don’t understand why everything irritates you so much. Some of us are just trying to live.”

“Oh, I’m  _ sorry  _ that things bother me.”

Jesper huffed a horrible laugh. “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t have to be so shitty about everything.”

“Are you kidding me?” They’ve had these conversations before. Nina didn’t understand why expressing her opinion was such a big deal. “I’m not being ‘shitty’. Maybe  _ you’re _ just being too sensitive.”

She heard a sharp inhale from Wylan, who was watching them go back and forth with wide eyes. That kid was scared of everything.

Jesper was still laughing. Nina knew Jesper’s laugh well; it was loud and sharp and full of so much unbridled joy. This laugh, cruel and dripping with darkness, was nothing like the one she heard in every conversation. It made Nina’s stomach churn.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. You’re  _ literally  _ proving my point,” Jesper said. “I swear, this happens every time we tell you you’ve taken something too far. Why can’t you accept that  _ maybe  _ that thing you said was toxic?”

“Toxic!” Nina scoffed. “How the hell am I toxic? If anything,  _ you  _ are taking this way too far.”

“Because you get frustrated at even the smallest things! Because sometimes it feels like I’m walking on eggshells around you. Because maybe, when you make fun of me or call me out for doing something that isn’t, I don’t know,  _ normal,  _ it’s not something I can control.” In the entire three years that she’d known him, Nina didn’t think she had ever seen Jesper cry, but at that moment, she was sure he was getting close.

She didn’t know what to say.

But Jesper wasn’t done. “Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes I don’t give a shit, and yeah, I’ll laugh along. But sometimes it can really hurt, you know?”

The look on Jesper’s face was so defeated, Nina could feel her anger melting into shame. “I don’t… you never told me that it hurt.”

“I did, though. You just don’t listen.”

“I don’t—of course I—” Nina looked wildly about the room at anything besides Jesper, at Wylan hiding terrified behind, at Inej still sitting on the bed with a crushed expression. “Inej, do I listen? I listen, right?”

Inej just looked at her. “This isn’t my battle,” she said softly. 

Goddammit. Because of course  _ now  _ she would decide not to get involved. Nina couldn’t even look at Jesper, couldn’t look at any of them or she would explode.

“Fine,” Nina huffed. “You can be like that, then. Sorry I  _ hurt  _ you.”

She knew it was a shitty thing to say, but for the sake of her pride, Nina couldn’t just say nothing before she turned and left, slamming the door behind her just to make them think about what they all did.

She leaned against the wall dividing her and the room full of all of her friends, sliding down to hide her head between her knees. Tears welled up inside her eyes for almost no reason, and Nina suddenly wanted to run back in there and show them that she was crying, show them all how they made her feel. How  _ dare  _ Jesper make her look like the bad guy. How dare Wylan and Inej just sit there looking all sad and scared like she was some kind of monster. She could have left on a better note. She wanted to scream at Jesper and make him feel sorry for even considering that.

But she stayed put. She took deep breaths, in and out.

Thinking about Jesper was ultimately what kept her from blowing up again. Nina held onto that shame, the thing she wanted so desperately to push away in favor of anger. She’d never seen Jesper, hilarious and smiling Jesper, so upset before. He’d said she hurt him.

There was a part of her that squirmed, a part of her that curled in on itself and put up its spiny defenses when Nina tried to accept it. She couldn’t have  _ hurt  _ him. Surely Jesper was just making too big of a deal about things; Nina was just expressing her opinion, she was being funny, she was trying to protect them. She didn’t mean to hurt him.

But she had. She had made Wylan so scared he saved Nina for last when revealing whatever secret they were all talking about. She had hurt Jesper so much she’d discovered a different side of him, a part of him that almost cried and laughed in a scary way that wasn’t laughing at all.

She never wanted to hear that kind of laugh again.

God, she wanted Inej. She wanted her to fix everything and tell her it was okay, that Nina was completely right and not in the wrong. She wanted—hell, she wanted Genya and Alina. Genya would destroy anyone who dared hurt Nina. Alina would probably spoil her to death. She wanted someone to tell her that things were okay.

But they  _ weren’t  _ okay. Nina hadn’t made it okay. What had Jesper said?

_ Because maybe, when you make fun of me or call me out for doing something that isn’t, I don’t know,  _ normal _ , it’s not something I can control. _

Now that Nina thought about it, that was… really shitty. Toxic, even. She had just been fooling around, wanted to bicker with Jesper like friends did. She thought about how it felt to be treated like shit when she did things she couldn’t control.

The first thing that came to mind was Matthias. 

Matthias had been the one who always got frustrated when Nina was too loud, too excited, who told her she was obnoxious, who mocked her when she was passionate about something. At the time, she had thought it was justified. That maybe,  _ she  _ was the problem, and not Matthias for not being able to put up with who she was.

She’d done the exact same thing to Jesper.

Her first instinct was to go  _ no, not me.  _ After seeing him that last time, Nina had told herself she never wanted anyone to feel the way she did around Matthias.

But Jesper had, and it was Nina’s fault. She had made him feel ashamed of who he was, his antics, his mannerisms that made him different from the rest of them. 

Maybe she had seen him and envied his endless laughter, his enthusiasm for his favorite things. Maybe Nina had intended to make Jesper feel bad about his joy, because she had spent so much time around Matthias that she thought feeling ashamed of being happy was normal.

Whatever the reason, Nina had hurt her best friend, and Wylan, too. And they both deserved a better apology than one forced by Inej.

Maybe this was what finally helped Nina accept how she had felt with Matthias. He had been her friend, and she had looked up to him, admired him in a way that might have been more than just friendship. But he hadn’t treated her like a person; more like some shoulder to cry on, someone to take all of his anger out on.

The cycle would end here, with her. Nina was right about the vow she’d made to herself last night. She never wanted to make anyone feel the way she did all those years ago.

Just as she was about to stand up and muster up the courage to go and apologize, her tail between her legs, Nina looked to the door and saw Inej standing there. She hadn’t even heard her enter the hallway.

Silently, Inej closed the door behind her and sat beside Nina. “Everything alright?”

Not quite. Nina wiped her tears on her sleeve, ashamed of the fact that just a few minutes ago, she had wanted to weaponize them against her own friends. “I fucked up.”

Inej nodded. “Yeah, you did.”

Nina snickered softly. “Thanks for the honesty.”

“I wouldn’t be a good friend if I wasn’t.”

_ A good friend _ . God, Nina had been the worst friend, not just to Jesper, but to Inej, too. She’d seen Inej as some sort of savior, someone who could swoop in and fix everything for them all. Inej had wanted to keep the peace, but she knew she couldn’t fix this thing between Jesper and Nina herself.

Well, might as well start with her. Nina took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For using you.”

“How so?”

God, this was hard. “I… wanted you to fix things for me. I used you. I’m sorry.”

Inej looked at Nina. “You didn’t use me. I did that on my own.”

She supposed that was right. But Nina had expected Inej to be some sort of savior for them all, find a compromise, make the peace for them. Because that was what she had always done.

“Yeah,” Nina agreed. She reached out and squeezed her hand, like they always did. “Thank you for always being there for us. Me and Jesper.”

Inej smiled, a warm gesture that made everything almost seem okay again. “Of course.”

Nina looked to the door, standing up. Not everything was completely okay yet, because of her. She still had one more thing to do. “I’m gonna talk to Jesper.”

“Right now?” 

Nina glanced back at Inej nervously. “Is that alright? Is he alright? I was so awful earlier.”

Inej shrugged. “It’s up to you. But I think he’s overdue for an apology.”

Jesper was sitting with Wylan, whispering together at something on his phone. When he saw Nina come in, he looked up and frowned. “What do you want.”

Nina cringed, but she didn’t run away like she wanted to. “Can we talk? Please?”

Jesper shrugged and shoved his phone into Wylan’s uncertain hands. “Sure,” he said gruffly, standing and moving over the corner of the room with Nina, which was beginning to be the place for private conversations.

Oh god. How did she even begin?

“Jesper… you were right,” Nina said softly, resisting the urge to break eye contact with him. “I’m so sorry for how I treated you.”

Jesper nodded, as if waiting for her to go on. His silence made Nina increasingly more uncomfortable, but she knew this was kind of what she deserved.

“I got upset at you for no reason, and I lashed out at you and Wylan when you two didn’t deserve it,” Nina admitted. “And… I made fun of things you couldn’t control. I’m sorry that I made you feel scared to admit to me that you were hurt. I don’t know, I think I was jealous or something, but—but that’s not important. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that, and you definitely don’t have to accept this apology if you don’t want to, and I’d understand…”

“It’s fine,” Jesper interrupted, and seeing his face break into a smile felt like the best thing Nina had seen today. He reached out and pulled her into a hug, and Nina held onto him tighter than she ever had.

“I’m so sorry,” Nina whispered again, and god, now she was starting to cry all over again, she didn’t want to cry, not in front of  _ Jesper _ , he’d never let her forget it. “You’re my best friend. I don’t ever want to make you feel bad, not ever again.”

“It’s fine!” Jesper laughed, and Nina thought she heard his voice break a little. “I love you, too.”

“I love you,” Nina repeated. “I love you.”

“I know.”

When they finally pulled away, wiping away tears that they weren’t going to talk about, Nina’s eyes fell on Wylan staring at them awkwardly from the other side of the room.

“Wylan,” Nina said, her voice still wobbly as she made her way over to him. “Can I talk to you, too?”

“Um.” Wylan didn’t seem to know what to do for a moment. His eyes flicked over to Jesper, who grinned at him, and then back to Nina. “Okay.”

“First off,” Nina began, “I’m sorry for being such an asshole to you for most of the entire time we’ve known each other.” Lots of apologies today. Nina was now great at them.

“It’s fine,” Wylan said immediately.

“No, it’s really not. Now you’re terrified of me. I was scary to you because I was also scared of you. That’s not cool.”

“Okay, yeah,” Wylan agreed, face reddening a little.

This was awkward. Nina still barely knew Wylan; he was on much better terms with Inej and Jesper as well. Which was her fault. 

Wylan broke the silence. “Anyways, um. About the thing that Jesper and Inej wanted to tell you…”

Nina nodded. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Wylan shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine. You deserve to know.”

“I really don’t.”

“Well, I want to tell you anyways. If… you want to know.”

“I do. If you’re comfortable.”

“Yes.” He did not look comfortable in the slightest, but Nina didn’t comment on that. “I can’t read.”

Nina blinked. “Oh.” So that was the secret. She didn’t really know how to react. “You mean, you’re bad at reading?”

“More than that. I just can’t read at all. No matter how hard I try.” Nina got the feeling he got asked this a lot, and he hated explaining it. “It’s probably why my dad tried to… you know.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Wylan.” She was still sort of confused, but she wasn’t going to ask more. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Sure. Oh, um, that’s not really all.” He looked nervously around the room; Nina locked eyes with Inej. She hadn’t realized when she’d come back inside.

“Wylan’s dad owns Waffle House,” Jesper blurted, and then stopped when they all stared at him in shock. “Sorry.”

“He does?” Nina turned back to Wylan. Honestly, this was a little more surprising than the reading thing. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I don’t know! It just didn’t seem important at the time?” Wylan sputtered.

“Isn’t that funny? I think that’s funny,” Jesper prattled on to absolutely no one in particular. “Like, we drive all this way just to go to Waffle House and then we also happen to pick up the owner’s  _ son… _ ”

“So we’re harboring the son of an extremely rich guy who owns a waffle chain,” Inej thought aloud. Wylan looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. “Are we going to get in trouble for this?”

“Possibly,” Nina said, glancing nervously at Wylan.

“I’m sorry for dragging you all into this,” Wylan mumbled.

Nina rested a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. It’s fine. Actually… there was something I wanted to ask you.” She glanced at her friends; Inej nodded to her and started up a conversation with Jesper, who was more than willing to talk to her about Queen or whatever. 

Wylan was looking at her strangely. “What is it?” he whispered. 

Nina took a deep breath. This was going to be uncomfortable. She didn’t even know if such an offer as this one was even warranted, if she was  _ maybe  _ crossing a boundary, but she supposed it didn’t hurt to ask. “I wanted to tell you… I don’t know your whole situation, and you certainly don’t have to tell me any more of it if you don’t want to, but… I kind of know how you feel.”

Wylan frowned, as if faced with some sort of complicated problem he couldn’t solve. Nina felt a pang as she realized he was probably taken aback by the fact that someone like her could possibly empathize with him. “You do?”

Nina nodded. “My parents are dead. I never knew them. I lived in the foster system here in Henrietta up until I was about fourteen. So basically, I had a lot of shitty fake parents taking care of me and a bunch of other fucked up kids.”

“Oh.” Wylan’s face fell. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m not there anymore, obviously. Matthias was one of my only friends, and you saw how great he turned out to be.” She took a deep breath. Here was the hard part. “Anyways, I was adopted by two lovely, disgustingly rich Californian women named Genya and Alina. They’re great people. Very supportive. Sometimes really overbearing. But I think you’d like them.” Just talking about them made Nina feel a wave of homesickness for her new home and family. She hadn’t realized how much she really loved her foster moms until she was hundreds of miles away from them. It made her proud, telling Wylan about them.

Wylan blinked. “Are you…”

“Yes, I’m telling you that if you need someplace to go, you’re welcome to stay with me. Of course, I can’t speak for my moms, and I haven’t even told them about this, but I’m sure they’d be happy to adopt another kid. Or at least let you stay for a while. It’s a huge house. There’s plenty of space for you.”

“Oh,” Wylan whispered, fidgeting with the end of his shirt (or, Jesper’s shirt, now that Nina was looking at it). His face was even redder than before. “That’s—that’s—wow, thank you,” he sputtered. “Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, your moms…”

“Yes,” Nina said, and she meant it. When Wylan had confessed the truth about his father, Nina had been horrified, but she also… resonated with him. She knew how it felt to not be cared for. Sure, her parents were dead, not horribly abusive, but plenty of her previous foster parents made it clear they could not give two shits about her, letting her other siblings take what they wanted and make her feel like the lowest person in the word. Nina wanted to let Wylan know that they did care about him.

She could tell Wylan had no idea what to say. “Think on it, alright?” she told him, patting him on the shoulder. That poor kid needed some kind of comfort. 

“So,” Jesper said, when  _ that  _ was all over. “What are we doing next?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,  _ this, _ ” Jesper said, gesturing to the whole room. “Are we staying here? Any other crazy friends you want to meet up with? Places you wanted to see one last time? Or are we done?”

Nina glanced out the window, out at the beautiful and ugly place that was her hometown. “No. I think we’re done. If that’s… okay with you all.” She looked at Wylan, still in shock, at Inej, standing by the door.

Inej shrugged. “I’m fine with whatever. I’ll go wherever you guys want to go.”

“Good, because I missed driving,” Jesper sighed. “I swear to god if we spend another day in here I’ll go insane.”

“I thought you hated driving,” Nina teased, a playful smile on her face, but then she stopped. “Sorry. Was that mean?”

Jesper snickered. “No, you’re good. It’s a love-hate relationship.”

“Only if you get enough breaks.”

“Only if I get enough breaks,” Jesper repeated, laughing. “You know me too well.”

It was time for her to go home, for all of them to go home. It had been fun to see all kinds of places, to be back in her hometown where Nina had made so many memories. But she’d made a home in California. She hadn’t realized it, too caught up in her anger and bitterness about everything in Virginia, but she had a circle of people who cared about her, and some of them were here with her right now. That was really what mattered more than stupid nostalgia and people who would never treat her like a person.

“What are we doing about…” Inej looked over at Wylan.

“He’s coming with us,” Nina declared. “Is that okay with everyone?”

“Hell yeah,” Jesper said. “But did we forget Mr. Waffle House and the people who were, uh, trying to kill you? Isn’t that going to be a huge problem?”

“Wylan can stay with me, Genya, and Alina,” Nina explained, looking over to him for confirmation. He still seemed unsure. “If that’s what he wants.”

“Still, though,” Inej said carefully. “Are we sure we’re not going to get in trouble for that?”

“That might look like kidnapping,” Jesper agreed. “I mean, not like I’m all for it. Kidnapping is completely valid in this case.”

“Maybe we could convince them that this is valid?” Inej suggested. “Because Wylan is clearly in danger and needs better parents?”

“It’s hard to prove child abuse,” Nina said, though this wasn’t helping her case in the slightest. She’d learned plenty from fellow foster kids. “Cops kind of don’t care about that stuff.”

“God, if only there was a way to destroy Mr. Waffle House’s career and let Wylan stay with us,” Jesper sighed. “Could we bribe them? Is there someone who absolutely hates your dad?”

“Actually,” Wylan spoke up, and they all stopped their scheming to look at him. “I might know someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is ,, ,, an interesting chapter kjhgfkjrfnwerentrkjgn if you saw me projecting on nina having dealt with toxic relationships in the past no you didn't <3  
> the song is "homesick" by cavetown!


	17. and i've seen paris and you've seen rome, but it don't mean shit 'til we get home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter name is from the song "home" by islandis :)

Waffle House

★★★★ ☆

Jesper Fahey ★★☆☆☆

CA food was okay. they let me order exorbitant amounts just for the fun of it,

69 friends which was nice, except the owner abused my boyfriend. 0/10 would not

420 reviews go again, we don’t support homophobia. boycott waffle house like we

666 photos boycott chick fil-a. oh yeah don’t go to chick fil-a.

i read this to wylan and he got confused at the chick fil-a part. imma have

to educate him. also i forgot we never established the dating thing and

now he’s uncomfortable. comment down below if you think we should be

boyfriends. i think we should.

Nina Zenik ★☆☆☆☆

CA Disgusting. Did not get the sense of nostalgia I drove all the way from

1 friend California for. Waffle House did not end homophobia and it did not help

10 reviews me forget that my childhood friend is a toxic piece of shit. Do not go here.

21 photos

Kuwei Yul-Bo ★☆☆☆☆

??? waffle house is cancelled.

0 friends

1 review

0 photos

Wylan sighed and forced himself to take his eyes off the paper, stretching. Reading was still painfully slow for him right now, but now that he could register words on a page, it was hard for him to stop.

He glanced over at his closed door, where he could already hear his friends talking. Nina, Jesper, and Inej must have gotten back from school; they came over to each other’s houses afterwards to “study” (really, there wasn’t a whole lot of studying involved, but it was the thought that counted).

As Wylan crossed his new room to go and greet his friends, he took one last look back at it all. Things hadn’t completely been sorted out with his father just yet, but everyone was fairly sure that Wylan would be staying here with Genya and Alina ever since Nina burst through the door with him in tow all those months ago. He’d already put up a couple posters to make the place feel lived in, but for some reason he still couldn’t shake the thought that this would all go away, that his father would barge in and he’d wake up in his old home.

“Hey, Wylan!” Jesper called as he emerged from his room. They were all sitting in their usual spots in Nina’s living room, snacks littered all over the coffee table.

“How was school?” Wylan asked as he gave each of his friends an embrace as a greeting. He lingered a little longer with Jesper. He was definitely biased, but Wylan thought his boyfriend gave the best hugs.

“Great,” Inej said, at the same time that Nina said, “Terrible.” 

Inej cast a skeptical glance towards Nina. “It wasn’t that bad, babe.”

“Okay, true. English and Drama were  _ fantastic _ ,” Nina admitted, smiling at Inej. Those were the classes they shared.

“Aww.”

“Gross,” Jesper remarked, turning away from the two of them. “Hey, Wylan, did you know people are still talking about you?”

Wylan’s stomach twisted. “Really?” Just thinking about the fact that he was a topic of discussion made him nervous.

“Yeah, people still ask if you’re living with me sometimes,” Nina added. “Don’t worry, I tell them to fuck off.”

“Nina!” Inej scolded.

“What? It’s a blatant violation of privacy. People should mind their own business.”

“Thank you,” Wylan mumbled. “I didn’t think it was still trending.” The hashtags #savewylan and #wafflehouseisoverparty that Kuwei created had sparked outrage across social media when he had leaked evidence of Jan Van Eck attempting to murder his own child, and a bunch of other scandalous (likely fabricated) details Kuwei decided to throw in. 

“It’s not,” Jesper reassured him. “Most people have moved on by now, even though this isn’t even over.”

“That’s because it’s boring now,” Nina pointed out. “No one cares about the confusing law shit. They just want to see your dad put in jail. And even then, it probably won’t even matter to them because they’ve already forgotten.”

“Mostly,” Wylan said. If Kuwei could make him go viral, surely he could make it happen again. He’d ensured that Wylan’s face or location was never revealed on the internet, but somehow the kids at school knew he was living with Nina.

It had been surprisingly easy to find Kuwei when Wylan had brought him up to his friends. As it turned out, he had become a Tiktok star with a huge following. He’d been more than willing to bring Jan Van Eck down, as he and Bo Yul-Bayur had been in a rivalry ever since that fateful dinner. It was actually terrifying how easy it was for Kuwei to hack into his father’s system and find solid evidence (and make up some too). And once he’d made the internet aware of Wylan’s situation, the entire thing went viral. His father’s business was ruined overnight. Wylan was terrified of the power of the internet and how it could directly influence real life. But good for him, he guessed? He was finally learning to read, got to see his best friends every single day, wasn’t constantly ridiculed for everything he did. Still, some sick part of Wylan missed his father, even the way he made him feel miserable. Nina, Jesper, and Kuwei could drag Jan Van Eck as much as they wanted, but secretly Wylan almost felt bad for him.

He was still talking through all of that in therapy. Wylan knew that his father had done horrible, disgusting things to him, and he’d learned to realize he didn’t deserve that kind of treatment at all, but still he couldn’t shake some of those dark thoughts, that maybe he should be hurting and feeling bad. There was still recovery needed for all of them; Nina, too, as she was visiting the same therapist as Wylan.

“Anyways, Wylan,” Inej addressed him, probably understanding that he needed a subject change, “how was school for you?”

“Good,” Wylan answered, and he wasn’t lying about it for once. As much as he might have wanted to go to a “real” school, he was still homeschooling for now as there was a lot he still had to catch up on. But the tutors that Genya and Alina hired were much better than the ones he’d had back with his father; instead of forcing him to focus on the page, they went slow, had creative methods of learning how to read that were new and effective for Wylan.

“They’re not pushing you too hard, are they?” Jesper asked, a concerned look in his eyes. He’d noted on multiple occasions how tired Wylan seemed lately, as he was staying up later and later in attempts to learn as much as he could. Not that Jesper didn’t stay up disgustingly late himself. This time it wasn’t even due to stress; Wylan was just so eager to catch up to his friends, especially when it came to reading. He didn’t really know when to stop.

“No, of course not,” Wylan reassured him. “They make sure to go at my own pace.”

“As they should,” Nina agreed, smiling at him. Ever since that conversation they’d had before leaving Virginia, Nina had been fiercely protective of Wylan, nothing like the way she’d treated him the first time they met. Genya and Alina had scolded Nina when she’d showed up at their front door with Wylan without any sort of warning, but she had defended him ferociously. It was nice, to be cared about.

“We should play some music,” Jesper pointed out, bored with this conversation as he pulled out his phone and rested it on the table. The beginning of “We Are the Champions” began to play, and Jesper immediately started singing along.

“ _I'_ __ve_ had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I’ll come through _ —Wylan, sing with me!”

Wylan joined in at the chorus, matching Jesper’s volume as he tried not to laugh. They did this all the time now; Wylan’s favorite pastime was learning Jesper’s favorite songs, whether it was on the flute or the piano or just singing.

Nina and Inej joined in, too, at the easier parts; Nina was grinning from ear to ear and laughing at Jesper and Wylan trying to out-sing each other, and Inej murmured the words softly. 

At the very end, Jesper finished with a dramatic flourish, his voice echoing throughout the house. Genya and Alina could care less about the volume; they were a loud group, after all, and that was pretty much out of their control.

Nina and Inej were clapping. “Thank you, thank you,” Jesper said, bowing. Wylan bowed too, reluctantly, even though his face was red and he felt like an idiot.

“I love it when you do that,” Nina laughed, and Jesper beamed at her. “Has Wylan been teaching you?”

“Nope, this is just raw talent,” Jesper replied, and Wylan snorted. “Okay, maybe a little bit.”

“Were you guys harmonizing?” Inej asked.

“Yeah,” Wylan murmured.

“Don’t our voices complement each other so well? We’re perfect for each other,” Jesper insisted.

Wylan snickered. “Shut  _ up! _ ”

“You know it’s true.”

Maybe it was. Wylan was constantly overwhelmed with love for all of them; Nina, who’d offered him a home and empathized with his struggles with his father; Inej, who was always looking out for him and his friends and was completely understanding of everything he felt; and Jesper, who was constantly brimming with energy and enthusiasm and love for Wylan, who had been the first to stand up for him and made Wylan feel safe to be around.

Sometimes, he worried that if he closed his eyes for just a moment, he’d lose all of the good things in his life, all of these miracles he’d found in California. A few years ago he felt as if there was no hope for him at all. But he had friends now, for once.

He couldn’t ask for anything more.

\---

Inej rested her head on Nina’s shoulder, observing what her girlfriend was so transfixed by on her phone. The room was dark and the glow of Nina’s phone was almost painful, but Inej just blinked sleepily at it.

“What are you looking at?” she murmured.

“Nothing,” Nina replied. It looked like Tiktok to Inej. She closed the app, flooding her room back into darkness. 

Jesper had gone home, and Wylan had retired to his room to study some more. Inej and Nina spent hours at each other’s homes like this all the time. There wasn’t a day that went by when they didn’t see each other. Though, this schedule hadn’t changed much from back when they were friends, either.

“Want to get out of here?” Nina whispered. Inej could barely see her face, but she could hear the sneaky smile in her voice.

“Sure.”

Inej didn’t even know what time it was, or if Genya and Alina were already asleep, but they snuck silently outside regardless, the air cold around them. She could see Wylan’s light on from his room. Hopefully he would get more sleep tonight. Nina took Alina’s car. Just like old times.

“Where are we going?” Inej asked, piling into the passenger seat.

“You’ll see,” Nina said, grinning as she started up the car.

Everything felt completely different at night, sort of exciting, in a way, like they were going on some kind of secret mission. Inej looked out the window at all the scenery like she always did; Nina’s neighborhood looked eerie and strange in the darkness.

“Are we going to McDonald’s?” Inej guessed. She always wanted to go to McDonald’s at 3AM.

“Nope.”

“Denny’s?”

“No.”

Not a late night location? Inej was stumped. She kept her eyes on their surroundings out the window, looking for some kind of hint.

“You’re on the right track,” Nina encouraged her.

“As in food-based?”

“Yes.”

“That’s because you never want to go anywhere but food,” Inej pointed out.

“Hey! I  _ like  _ food,” Nina protested, but she was laughing. “There is nothing wrong with that.”

“Absolutely not,” Inej agreed. “I do love me some nourishment.”

They fell into silence as Inej thought some more.

“Okay, close your eyes. We’re almost there,” Nina warned her, and Inej snorted but covered her eyes. Nina knew she loved paying close attention to where they were going.

They came to a stop, and Inej heard Nina say, “Okay, you can open them now.”

Inej’s eyes flew open. She let out a tiny gasp as she saw what they were in front of, and then her head whipped back to look at Nina.

“Black Bear? I thought you didn’t like it!” Inej and Jesper had introduced her to it a while ago back when Nina was still getting adjusted to California; she’d compared it to Waffle House and complained about how much she hated “stupid west coast chains”. 

Nina shrugged. “It’s… growing on me. Genya and Alina took me there again last week. I do like the huge servings.”   
  


“And you didn’t tell me?” Inej was shocked. Genuinely. She and Jesper loved Black Bear, but they’d never been able to convince Nina to come along.

Nina grinned. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well, I’m glad that you’ve opened your mind to the wonder that is Black Bear Diner. But it’s closed,” Inej pointed out, gesturing to the completely dark building and its eerie bear statues in front.

Nina gasped. “Oh my god. You’re right,” she laughed. “I’m such an idiot! I was going to get your favorite stuff and everything…”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Inej rested a reassuring hand on Nina’s shoulder. “We can go back when it’s open, maybe bring Jesper and Wylan along. Has Wylan tried it?”

Nina shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. Unless Jesper took him there.”

“Without us,” Inej gasped, mockingly placing a hand on her heart, and they both laughed again. “Do you think he’d like it? Or is he too stuck up like you?”

“Shut up,” Nina snickered, punching Inej lightly on her shoulder. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. He eats anything Jesper eats.”

“That is true,” Inej agreed.

Nina glanced at the sad closed diner. “Okay, but seriously, what are we gonna do now. This is so disappointing.”

Inej grinned. “Want to go to Denny’s?”

“Sure.”

They drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that, my friends, is the end of the quest for waffle house, my first multichaptered fic that i've ever finished and also the longest thing i have ever written!  
> i'd like to say thank you to my wonderful gang, my ASS BREAKERS, and the grishaverse big bang. i couldn't have finished this stupid ass fic without them.  
> thank you to my lovely beta readers, alex (@tessavioletandchill), and lyn (tsaritsa-zoya), for leaving me the most iconic comments, being picky, and deleting all my justs. i know i switch between tenses too much. i'm sorry. but i love you guys thanks for putting up with my gay shit  
> thank you to my sensitivity readers, niecy (@niecity) and jack (@fortunati) for looking over this fic, i really appreciate it. i consider you guys ass breakers too akfjhekrtenrktejhrkt  
> and of course, thank you to my wonderful artists for bringing this crazy fic to life! it's kind of surreal to see people draw things that you've written. please go check out all of their pieces, i've linked a couple already but here are all of them for you to see:  
> sidney (starw1sh)  
> https://starw1sh.tumblr.com/post/628337977348816896/my-piece-for-fricklefracklefloofs-the  
> clarissa (artisticaperture)  
> https://artisticaperture.tumblr.com/post/628283298025766912/yeah-you-can-send-messages-too-kuwei-pressed-a  
> archie (blue-artisces)  
> https://blue-artisces.tumblr.com/post/628294106263781376/ahhh-finally-done-with-my-first-piece-for-the  
> kyou (corpsecro)  
> https://corpsecro.tumblr.com/post/628283299487416320/my-grishaversebigbang-piece-for  
> thank you to the ten of geese groupchat for the lovely jesper liking queen headcanon. this fic would not be the same without you idiots. i love you.  
> and lastly, thank you for reading all the way to the end of this silly little self-indulgent fic i've made! i know i have a lot of unpopular opinions about characters and such riddled all over so i'm honestly surprised if anyone's stuck around this long. i've projected so much of my own experiences into this story and my favorite characters that honestly this fic is kind of a piece of me, and i feel pretty vulnerable showing it to strangers on the internet. but it means a lot to me if you enjoyed it! so thank you so much!  
> (oh yeah, i didn't really have to but i made my own art piece for this fic too jkahfkerhtekrtjernekjr if you wanna see it and also catch me on instagram here it is: https://www.instagram.com/p/CEvrzskp6yK/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link)


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